When we are younger, in the dating scene, and believe we know all, we seek specific traits in a partner. Clearly, we are seeking an individual to whom we feel sexually drawn. We seek an individual who has a great sense of humor, aligns with our interests, possesses a worthwhile job, or shares our values.
Young adults in their twenties don’t consider what the next 15 years will bring. They don’t consider infants, anxiety, loud breathing, gaining weight, a mid-life crisis, financial issues, or even having not a moment to think, sit, or unwind.
I can’t help but chuckle at what makes a great husband for me now, following three kids, a mortgage, and endless craziness. None of these ‘traits’ would appear on a dating profile. However, they will be significant in time. Believe me. This is a combination of love, attraction, and dedication in one.
A guy who fills my gas tank without informing me, so when I turn on my car, it’s already full. That truly is the path to my heart. And I’m not just talking about payment; I’m referring to the act of bringing my car to the gas station and fueling it. A partner who changes diapers, applies cream for rashes, gives baths, dresses a squirming baby in pajamas, handles nighttime feedings, kisses injuries, and clears away boogers.
A partner who fills the coffee maker with water, adds coffee grounds, and sets the timer to have it ready for me in the morning. Someone who playfully slaps my butt as I pass and tickles my sides, even when I shout and swat back. A companion who examines your episiotomy cut, sore nipples, ingrown hairs, and hemorrhoids. Because no friend is going to want to see that… A guy who consistently brings me a glass of water, soda, wine, or any refill I need. And he constantly adds ice to my beverage. To me, that is the most delightful thing.
A companion who arranges a large movie screen in the yard for the local children, transports far too many kids around the area on a snowmobile, and hosts the entire neighborhood for drinks. A person who adjusts our autistic son’s underwear waistband, beams at his trains, even after the umpteenth time, crushes medications, asks for a verbal request for snacks, participates in every IEP meeting, makes calls, finishes evaluations, and never loses faith. A partner who teaches hockey and baseball and who is present at every single practice.
A man who remembers to take a handful of Kleenex before visiting the vet to bid farewell to our first baby. And not for himself, but for me. A partner who sends you a Snapchat of poop on your wall with the caption, ‘Get the cleaner, your child finally went!’ Hooray! My reply: ‘You’re using Snapchat incorrectly.’ A person who recognizes the value of a proper nap.
A person who shares the trenches alongside you, enduring the self-harm, the shouting, the sleepless nights, the breakdowns, the tough days that stretch into tough months and ultimately years, and remains steadfast. Who gazes at eternity without fleeing. “I would love to view the Tinder profile that includes everything mentioned.”
