People often ask me, “what is it like to adopt an older child? Should we change birth order? How will it affect our kids?” These are big, emotional questions. But they matter. A little girl out there is being passed from house to house, with nothing but a trash bag holding all her belongings.
She needs a mom to tell her she is loved, to hold her when she cries. Somewhere, there is a boy wondering why babi+
es get adopted and he does not. He wants a family too.
No, it is not easy. But most important things in life are not.
Two years ago, our kids were just toddlers—3 and 2 years old and both had special needs. Life was finally settling down. Then we got a call. Their older brother was entering foster care. Could we take him?
We were scared, but we said yes.
In just 24 hours, I went from caring for toddlers to parenting a 7-year-old. I had read all the books and taken trauma training. I had promised myself we had never break birth order. But here we were, saying yes because we knew God was asking us to. That is key you need to know God is calling you to this.
The first months were hard. Everything triggered him. We never knew what might upset him. The stress made me break out in a painful rash.
I tried every remedy, but nothing worked. I prayed daily sometimes minute by minute for enough grace to keep going.
I often worry for our little ones. Did we mess up their lives? Would they be okay? One day, while crying out to God, I felt Him say, “i have called them too. Let Me parent their hearts.” That gave me peace.
Eventually, our older boy started to feel like us. But just after Christmas, he had to leave. It felt like death. My younger kids watched for him daily, hoping he would come back.
It was heartbreaking. But I knew he had experienced love and family, although just for a while.
Months later, he came back—this time, maybe for good. He has taught me more about love and faith than I could ever imagine. His journey has been hard, but he is brave. He is becoming a son, and i am so proud of him.
Older kids need love too. They need someone to believe in them. One night, he told me, “Mommy, you are a perfect mom.” I cried. That meant more than anything.
Yes, adopting an older child is tough. But the happiness runs just as deep as the struggles.
And I would not trade it for anything.
