She exited jail as she was trembling and having an emotional meltdown. She walked away feeling angry, underweight, and separated from her husband. Feeling extremely afraid, she was so scared, terrified of literally everything. Terrified in ways that gripped her entire existence. Afraid to drink. Afraid to start over. Scared to stay sober.
Afraid to fail. Afraid to stay married. Scared to get divorced. Afraid to go home to her four children, all under six. Scared to take care of them. Afraid to go to rehab. Terrified to tell the truth about her life. Scared to face her family, her friends, her neighbors, and most of all, her husband. But the most profound fear she was terrified of was facing her true self.
She had had enough of the excuses, was sick of silent treatments, and looked after her kids alone. She was exhausted from apologising with all of her heart meaningly, yet showed how messing everything up again.
She was tired of breaching what she promised to herself and the people she loved, so she quit drinking, but she found herself hiding and disposing of alcohol. She was tired of all the lies that slipped off her tongue as easily as they were truthful. She was tired of living a double life, the impossible act of moderation and balance. She was done pretending to walk on eggshells, living in constant survival mode. Isolation was pricking her sick of her tears. She was utterly, completely tired of being sick and tired.
And so, so tired.
Four years later, her life was unrecognizable, not because of addiction and divorce, but because of how she had grown. The work she had done, the strength she built from showing up repeatedly, even when it was hard.
She had shown up when she sat silently in the backseat of her parents’ car for the three-hour drive from Gary, Indiana, where she had been arrested for a DUI, to her home in Madison, Wisconsin. She couldn’t defend herself. She didn’t even try. Instead, she kept busy looking up rehabs until she found one that could take her a week later.
She had shown up when they hired a full-time nanny, and she packed a suitcase, kissed her four young children goodbye, and left for 60 days in a dual diagnosis residential treatment center. She thought she’d either get sober and stay married or get divorced and keep drinking. Never had she imagined both getting sober and getting divorced; it wasn’t part of her fairytale.
But it became her truth.
Coming home after rehab was brutal. Everything was triggering her, from walking into a grocery store without buying alcohol to the chaos of four small children, a traveling husband, and a silent power struggle with a nanny who now shared her role. There was no trust.. Tension filled the house. She knew this place won’t let her heal.
To heal, she moved into an apartment half a mile away. They began “nesting.” She would be home when he wasn’t, and vice versa. Their nanny became the children’s constant.
At 90 days sober, she started writing about sobriety on Instagram. She needed accountability, and with most of her old relationships well burned, strangers would do just fine. Many of those strangers would become friends and supporters along the way.
Her sobriety and divorce journey were anything but linear. Sobriety didn’t erase her problems, but it did give her the strength to manage them. Eventually, their separation turned into a divorce. They told the kids a week before Christmas. The children didn’t fully understand, which was a blessing in disguise.
Through it all, she stayed sober.
When COVID hit, she and the kids moved in with her parents in Florida for a month. Surrounded by an all-day, happy-hour golf club culture, temptation was everywhere. At eight months sober, it was still challenging to be around alcohol, especially when her parents were drinking. But she stayed sober, earning her nine-month chip at an AA meeting in Naples.
She bought a new home, shifted, assisted with virtual schooling for her children, and finalized her divorce over Zoom, all while being sober.
Her recovery had taken weekly talk therapy, sobriety support groups like AA, She Recovers, and The Luckiest Club, ugly crying, journaling, brutal honesty, and action. It had required learning to slow down, simplify, face things head-on, say no to others to say yes to herself, and keep doing the next right thing.
Yoga, meditation, manifestation, and everything that her trust and hope in herself became part of her healing. She had learned to listen to her intuition and believe that the best was still ahead.
Since her divorce, she became a certified recovery and divorce coach, hosted women’s wellness events, shared her self-written articles, created mocktail events, and connected with hundreds of women navigating sobriety and divorce. She had learned that the opposite of addiction wasn’t just sobriety, it was connection.
Sobriety had allowed her to rediscover her creativity, take the high road, let go, experience serenity, take risks, be fully present, understand her children deeply, dream bigger, and live with honesty and health.
On day 1,654 of sobriety, she lived with integrity, purpose, and passion. She was responsible, reliable, and real. She knew who she was and what she stood for and liked herself.
She didn’t regret the past or wish to close the door on it. She was a little sassier, a lot classier, and carried no shame.
Her message to others was simple: Keep no secrets. Carry no shame. You’ve got this.
