About five years ago, I had a miscarriage. I still remember the pain in my heart. I’d wake up in the middle of the night crying, only to be shaken awake, wondering why it had happened. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life. When I got pregnant again, I thought I was ready, that I had healed. But I wasn’t.
When I saw the positive test, I was thrilled, yet anxious. People talk about miscarriage, but almost no one talks about how it feels to get pregnant again afterward. Now that I have two children, I realize there’s so much I wish someone had told me back then.
First, you will feel anxiety like you’ve never felt before. Every pregnancy comes with worries, but after a loss, it’s magnified. You know the pain of losing a baby, and that fear of losing another one sits heavy on your chest. The first trimester is especially tough, and sometimes it feels like your mind won’t stop spinning.
But you will also feel overwhelming happiness. Despite the fear, there is joy in knowing a little one is on the way. After experiencing loss, that joy is even more powerful. A baby after miscarriage is often called a rainbow baby, and truly, it feels like one, a bright, hopeful streak after a storm. Take time to enjoy the happy moments, even if they feel fleeting.
Guilt will creep in at unexpected times. Feeling joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your baby who passed away, but sometimes your mind tries to trick you into thinking it does. You may feel selfish for being happy or guilty for moving forward. That’s normal. Those feelings are real and valid.
Your thoughts will wander to the baby you lost. I found myself imagining what life might have been like if that baby had lived, would it have been a boy or girl? What milestones would they be reaching? You never forget a baby lost to miscarriage. You carry that memory with you, learning to bear the ache while also making room for hope.
The pain of miscarriage may reduce, or it may stay just as sharp. For me, being pregnant again softened the pain. For others, it might make the feelings of loss and intense. Emotions are complicated in any pregnancy, and having a rainbow baby makes everything feel magnified. Expect highs and lows, sometimes in the same day, sometimes within minutes.
Talking to someone who understands can make a huge difference. I didn’t know anyone personally who had experienced a miscarriage like I had, and at the time, it felt isolating. Not everyone shares these experiences openly, but connecting with others who have been through similar situations, either in person or in online communities, can help you feel less alone.
Remember this: whatever you are feeling, it’s okay. Each pregnancy and each loss is unique. Some people may feel little worry or guilt, while others may experience intense emotions throughout the pregnancy. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Your thoughts, fear and excitements are all valid.
Before long, you will be holding your rainbow baby. The journey may be smooth or it may be filled with challenges, but the love and respite you feel at the end will make it worth every tear and every anxious moment. Experiencing loss in any form is incredibly painful, and getting pregnant afterward can trigger emotions you didn’t expect. Be mild with yourself.
This expedition taught me flexibility, tolerance, and the importance of self-compassion. It showed me that it’s possible to carry sorrow and hope at the same time. It reminded me that even after loss, life can bring joy again sometimes happier than before. Your feelings matter. Your worries are real. And most importantly, your happiness, even after heartbreak, is allowed.
