Ten years ago, my husband chose to end this marriage.
After almost 15 years together, five moves, supporting his Air Force career, three babies, being a stay-at-home mom, and three dogs… just like that, he changed his mind.
I change my mind about dinner or wall colors all the time, but never about marriage or the commitment it takes. Some people do, my husband did
It’s now the anniversary of the day I knew I was going to be a single mama. I was unprepared, or so I thought.
We were living in Florida, far from my family, and surrounded by his. That alone brought me to my knees. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt. But it was also the day I discovered what I’m truly made of: love, grace, determination, and grit. An anniversary I celebrate every year.
At the time, Madeline was 13, Mason was 10, and Mia was 5. I was 38, and we took it one day at a time, figuring it out bit by bit. We celebrated the big wins, the small wins, the hard days, and the good days and there were plenty of both.
Here are some truths I’ve learned along the way, truths that saved me, and may help others too:
Forgiveness is imperious. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone for my own well-being. Forgiveness is key to healing and to healthy parenting. I remember the first time my ex brought his girlfriend to the ballfield to watch our son play baseball. I thought, maybe I haven’t forgiven them yet. But when I offered her an extra pair of sunglasses she had forgotten, I knew, at that moment, I had forgiven. And it’s okay if forgiveness has to be repeated often.
Hard can be rewarding. Adjusting to life as a single parent was incredibly difficult. My children no longer had two parents at home, they had one who had to meet their needs daily. I remember a morning when my 10-year-old son got his 5-year-old sister dressed for school and texted me for approval. Pride and sadness stunned me: sadness that he had to take on adult responsibilities so young, and pride that he rose to the occasion. Hard builds strength, resilience, and character, for both children and parents.
Blaming doesn’t help. Divorce is hard, and laying blame is easy, but I didn’t have room for hate or negativity. I took ownership of my part in the divorce and focused on creating a positive home. This taught my children responsibility and accountability. One memorable moment was when my daughter left her entire bag of dance costumes at home before a weekend competition. She own her mistake and we work with her side by side. That’s how we approach challenges in our home: with love, learning, and growth.
Ultimately, you define your own failures and successes. Society may call divorce a failure, but I didn’t. I saw it as my chance to succeed, at being a single mama. And I did.
Raising my children solo has been the greatest gift and the proudest accomplishment of my life. Ten years ago, I was scared, broken, and hurt. Today, we are blooming. Watching my children grow, make their own decisions, and forgiveness has been hard to practice, but every moment has been worth it.
The four of us, now 23, 20, 15, and 48, live loud, chase our dreams, and find joy every day. If you are facing divorce, know that you will be okay. Better than okay. Keep going. That light at the end of the tunnel is real, and we are proof. Be proud of your growth, your resilience and your every win, no matter what the size is. A proud single mama.
