For nine long years, my husband and I carried the heavy weight of infertility. Month after month, we lived with the same cycle of hope, disappointment, and grief. We tried, prayed, and held on to the dream of starting a family, only to face silence where we longed for joy. At the time, I thought waiting for a pregnancy was the hardest challenge of my life. What I didn’t realize was that our journey of waiting was only just beginning, and it would lead us somewhere unexpected.
Shane and I first met in 2007, shortly after I graduated high school. We quickly knew we were meant for each other. By 2009, we were married and certain our future would be filled with blessings. We both graduated college with honors, felt strong in our relationship, and were excited to begin the next chapter starting a family. Like most young couples, we assumed it would happen quickly. When it didn’t, I sought advice from my doctor, who assured me we were young and healthy, and that conception could take time. Still, with each passing month, my disappointment deepened.
My lack of understanding about fertility only fueled the frustration. I grew up in a culture where pregnancy wasn’t really discussed, so when things didn’t happen naturally, I turned to research. I learned about ovulation cycles, hormone levels, and the science of conception things I had never been taught. Eventually, our attempts stretched into years, filled with testing, treatments, surgeries, and endless emotional exhaustion.
Around year seven, I was working as a NICU nurse when I met foster parents for the first time. I was struck by their compassion, not only for the child they were taking home, but also for the child’s biological family. Their ability to open their hearts without judgment stirred something in me. That day, I realized what I truly longed for wasn’t just pregnancy it was to build a family, no matter how that happened.
By year nine, after exhausting every medical option, Shane and I shifted our focus to fostering and adoption. We completed the certification process and decided to open our home to children in need. While part of us still held onto the hope of a natural pregnancy, our hearts were ready to welcome kids through foster care. Six months later, the call came.
I’ll never forget it. We had just left a showing of the movie Instant Family, laughing about how it suddenly made us “ready.” Hours later, we got the call that two little boys needed a placement. Without hesitation, Shane said, “I think these are our kids.” By that night, we were foster parents to two toddlers.
I thought my heart would feel complete in that moment, but I was surprised by conflicting emotions. I had always imagined holding a newborn, not suddenly becoming the mom of two energetic boys. I felt guilty for the lingering ache of wanting a baby, even as I embraced these children with love. Then we learned their biological mother was pregnant again. Shocked and unprepared, we still said yes. When their baby sister was born, we brought her home from the hospital and introduced her to her brothers the very same day.
Caring for three children with trauma and special needs was overwhelming, but also beautiful. The boys faced developmental challenges and emotional scars, while the baby brought fresh hope into our home. The pandemic made everything harder therapy was limited, court hearings were delayed, and resources were scarce. After nearly two years, we faced another heartbreak: our oldest foster son’s behaviors became too dangerous for his siblings. Despite our love and commitment, the decision was made to place him in residential treatment. Losing him felt like losing a piece of my heart. For 19 months he called me “mommy,” and suddenly he was gone.
The grief nearly broke me. I struggled deeply, questioning whether I had failed him. Eventually, I reached out for help and slowly found the strength to keep going. My focus shifted to the children who remained with us the younger boy and baby girl who still needed me to show up every day. Healing wasn’t quick, but over time, the fog lifted, and I found purpose again.
Today, after 13 years of being married, nine years of dealing with infertility, and three years of fostering, I can finally declare that our period of waiting has concluded
We’ve built a forever family, not in the way we first imagined, but in the way it was always meant to be. Looking back, I see every heartbreak, delay, and detour as part of the path that brought us here. And though the journey was long, I wouldn’t trade the family we have now for anything.
