Love isn’t merely an emotion; it’s expressed through what you do. It’s a hug, taking care of someone sick, or even adopting a child. That’s what real love looks like. For me, adoption and fostering became the way I showed love. I grew up in Richmond, Virginia.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
At age four, I started living with my grandmother, Cora. Before that, I was passed around between my parents, family, and friends. My parents made choices that hurt me, and I always hoped they would show me love. But they rarely did. For most of my childhood, I waited for them to come see me or even just call. I didn’t realize until I was 16 or 17 that I had people like my grandma and others who truly cared about me. Even as a teenager, I felt protective of others, especially my younger sister. I made sure we ate when our mom left us alone.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
I guess that’s why I once wrote in my journal, “One day, I want to adopt.” Deep down, I knew I could be a good dad. At 19, I had my own place and worked long hours, but I still felt like something was missing. One day, I saw an ad that said, “Become a Foster Parent must be 18 or older.” I thought, “Why not?” I called, did the interview, and was surprised to be approved for training.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
The director was honest, saying I might not get placed easily because I was young and single, but I stayed hopeful. My first placement was a teenage boy. It lasted six tough months, and he had to leave. A month later, I got another call about a 7-year-old in need. I expected a Black child but he was white. I had never cared for a white child before and felt unsure, but I took him in.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
We formed an amazing bond, and even though I wasn’t the first choice for his adoption, I became his dad and that’s all he needed. Later, I espoused an additional son from Pennsylvania. Then, I cared for a 4-year-old regularly through respite care.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
When he became available for adoption, my sons and I said yes. Just like that, I had three boys. Existing a dad is the greatest satisfying thing I’ve ever completed. It hasn’t been easy we’ve had hard days and healing too. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Today, I help raise consciousness about stand in care and acceptance. I don’t know what the upcoming grips, but I hope my sons produce into robust, loved, and fruitful men. That’s all I could always wish for.
