I met my husband, Stuart, when I was 19. On our very first date, just 15 minutes in, he asked me about my dreams for the future. What kind of job did I want? Did I want to have kids? Where did I want to travel? I did not know all the answers, but I did know one thing: if I ever had children, I wanted to do it through adoption.
We got married a few years later. After our honeymoon, we quickly started training to become foster parents. At the time, we planned to offer only short-term care just for emergencies or to give other foster families a break. We were also only planning to take care of babies.
I was only 23, and taking in older kids or teenagers felt too hard. But just after we got our foster license, we were called to care for a baby for a week. It went well. Then, we got a call about a 3-year-old boy. We agreed to take him for the weekend. That weekend turned into a week, the week turned into months, and the months became years. We loved the boy. That boy is now our son, Michael.
A few months later, we were asked to help with a visit between Michael and his older brother, DeShawn. When Michael saw him at the playground, he hugged him tightly. That moment changed everything. Stuart and I looked at each other and knew they needed to be together. We were nervous because Dayshawn was a teenager, and I was only 13 years older than him. But once I talk to him, my thoughts feel wrong about him.
DeShawn is kind, funny, and hardworking. He loves people and meets every new foster child who stays with us. He dreams of becoming a basketball player, doctor, or social worker. Being his mom felt natural. He never seemed to mind my age; he just saw me as his mother and felt comfortable around me. On adoption day, he even interrupted the judge to explain why he wanted to be adopted. It was one of the most tearful times of my life.
When we started fostering, adoption was not our primary goal. We wanted to help families and support reunification when it was easy. The best part of fostering is watching families work hard to be together again. We have cared for 14 children, some short-term and some long-term, and we still stay in touch with many of them and their families.
The hardest part was the back-and-forth in Michael and Dayshawn’s case. We kept preparing for them to return home, then the plan would change to adoption, and then back again. It was emotionally exhausting. But fostering taught me patience and helped me let go of needing to control everything.
People often ask if we will continue fostering. Stuart and I hope to one day open our home to teen moms, LGBTQ+ teens, or youth who have been trafficked because they often have nowhere else to go.
Fostering is not easy, but it is worth it. I have loved 14 times, cried, laughed, and learned more than ever imagined. I would not trade this life for anything.
