Love goes beyond just speaking the words “I love you.”
It’s something you do. It’s taking care of people, being there when they’re sick, crying together, and sometimes it’s adopting or fostering a child.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
I grew up in Richmond, Virginia. By the time I was four, I’d been moved around to different homes because my parents made choices that hurt me. In the end, I moved in with my grandmother, Cora. I didn’t know her at first, but she became my safe place.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Even though I had people who cared for me, I spent a lot of my childhood waiting for my parents to notice me. I didn’t see that I already had a whole community looking out for me until I was a teenager. Around 16 or 17, I wrote in my journal that I wanted to adopt one day. I’d always looked after my little sister and figured I’d be a good dad.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
In 2006, I moved out of my grandmother’s house and worked long hours. I still felt like something was missing. While looking for a new job, I saw an ad for foster parents. I was 19, almost 20. I applied and was approved, though I was told it might be hard for a young single man to get a placement. My first foster child was a teenager who stayed for six months.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Then I got a call about a 7-year-old boy. I thought he’d be Black, like me, but he was white. I’d never taken care of a white child before, but I said yes. We grew close, and eventually, I adopted him.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Later, I fostered more kids and adopted two more boys, one from Pennsylvania and another I’d been doing respite care for. Suddenly, I had three sons. It wasn’t always easy. There were hard days, tears, and challenges. But there was also love, healing, and a lot of good memories.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
When our family went viral online, I saw how some people still judge families that don’t “match” racially. I’ve learned not to waste time on that kind of ignorance. In the end, I moved in with my grandmother, Cora.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
These kids have been through trauma. They need structure, therapy, and someone who respects their history. If you adopt a child of another race, you have to make sure they stay connected to their culture.
Courtesy of Barry Farmer
I’m not planning to adopt again right now, but I still work to raise awareness for kids in foster care. My hope for my boys is simple, that they grow up to be kind, strong, and loved.
