Dear Adoptive Mom, Telling me my birth mother didn’t want me doesn’t make me feel grateful — it makes me feel rejected. Please understand: I don’t need to hear that to love you.– Raquel (adoptee)
Courtesy Raquel McCloud
Dear Adoptive Mom,
I understand how hard it is to trust. The world tells you to be cautious with someone like me. But please know, I’m scared too.
– Raquel (birth mom)
Courtesy Raquel McCloud
To the Woman Becoming My Child’s Mother, This isn’t easy for me to say, but I want you to hear it from my heart. Writing this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Really hard. – Raquel (adoptive mom) There are moments when something becomes so clear, it’s terrifying and beautiful all at once. That’s exactly how I felt when I realized just how much adoption had shaped every corner of my world.
Courtesy Raquel McCloud
I knew then this was a story I had to tell, and a community I needed to support. I’m Raquel — adoption has touched every part of my life. I’ve experienced it as someone who was adopted, as a birth mom, and now as an adoptive parent.
I was brought up by my grandparents, even though they never legally adopted me.
Courtesy Raquel McCloud
They meant well, but they didn’t handle my birth mom’s absence in the healthiest way. I often heard, “She didn’t want you, but we did.” That stayed with me. I didn’t need to be told I was unwanted — I would’ve loved them just as deeply either way.
Later, I met my half-siblings and saw my birth mom hadn’t raised any of us. Addiction had taken her from us long ago. She still lives in the same town as me, yet if she were standing right next to me, I wouldn’t even know it was her.
At 14, I got pregnant. That time is a blur, but I remember the emotions, fear, shame, sadness. The people raising me didn’t really know how to be there for me.
Still, by God’s grace, I chose a loving woman to raise my child. But afterward, I felt like I no longer belonged. I thought I had to step away. Years later, I found stories online, heartbreaking stories from other birth moms who still longed to know their children. Then, one day, I got a call: my daughter wanted to meet me. I was shocked. I thought I had to wait until she turned 18. But she was ready at 9. Our first meeting was emotional. I wanted to hug her and tell her I never stopped thinking of her, but I waited. Her mom gave her a little nudge to hug me — and she walked over and held me in her arms.
Courtesy Raquel McCloud
That was seven years ago. Now she’s almost 16 and spending the night at my house. Adoption doesn’t erase pain. But love, truth, and respect can bring healing. We don’t pretend it’s perfect. We talk openly. Our daughter knows where she came from, and she knows she is loved by all of us. I’ve been on all sides of adoption. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: honesty, empathy, and love make space for everyone in a child’s story. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
