My name is Ali Anne, and this is the story of marrying the man I thought I would spend my life with, building a family together, and then facing the truth that we couldn’t “pray the gay away.” It’s about how we chose to end our marriage while still remaining a family, and how I became an LGBTQ ally while holding onto my faith.
Growing up, I had one main dream, get married and have children. I imagined myself as a loving wife and mom. Back in 2008, that dream finally began to take shape.
I was 20 when I married my best friend, Kyle. The early years were hard, but we learned and grew together. We worked in church ministries, built community wherever we went, and loved opening our home to friends. People often told us our marriage gave them hope.
By 2013, after five years together, we were ready to start our family. We had already chosen names for the seven children we imagined having one day.
Our daughter Eva Li was born first. Not long after, I became pregnant with our son Simon, but we had to say goodbye before we ever got to hold him.
Later on, our son Nygel was born, bringing so much happiness into our lives.
Parenting was everything we had dreamed of, and life was busy but beautiful.
Then, in late 2016, a conversation shook our world. We had always known Kyle was attracted to men, he told me about his struggle with homosexuality back when we met in 2005. We grew up in a church culture that taught being gay was a sin and that same-sex attraction had to be denied or ignored. Kyle wanted a family, so living a heterosexual life seemed like the only choice. Over time, our friendship turned into love, and we married.
But after eight years, the weight of hiding his true self became too heavy for Kyle. We began researching what the Bible really said about homosexuality. For months, we read, talked, and connected with others in similar situations. We came to believe being gay was not a sin, and that Jesus’ love included everyone. With that new understanding, we had to decide, stay married or set each other free.
On February 21, 2017, during a counseling session, we discussed options. One was for Kyle to come out publicly but stay married. At first, I thought it might work, but Kyle quickly realized it would be like living with one foot in each world. He’s an “all or nothing” person, and pretending halfway wasn’t fair to either of us.
That day, Kyle finally said out loud, “I am a gay man and I want to be with a man.” It was the first time he had been that honest. I didn’t cry much, I felt an odd peace. I told him, “If that’s what you need, then that’s our decision.” He broke down, apologizing over and over. I assured him I knew he loved me and that I wanted to see him free, even if it meant letting go of our marriage.
I wrote in my journal that night:
“God, You are good. Even when my marriage ends. Even when I feel alone. Even when people don’t understand why I still support him. You are good.”
Two years later, life looks very different. We lost most of our friends and family after Kyle came out and I became an LGBTQ ally. It hurt deeply, but we still have each other. We’re no longer romantic partners, but we remain best friends, committed to raising our children with love and acceptance. Our kids will grow up knowing their parents love each other and love them, and that love is not exclusive.
Our story is one of love, friendship, pain, courage, and freedom. It may not look like the life we planned, but it is still beautiful our own shade of beautiful.
