My name is Natasha Saddleback. I’m 34, an Indigenous woman from Samson Cree Nation, a mother of five, a 4th-year business student, an entrepreneur, soon-to-be wife, and a recovering alcoholic. My journey with alcohol began in high school when a few girlfriends and I shared a cheap beer behind some railroad tracks. My life journey have been full challenges. At that time, I was living in a supported independent living home after moving through foster homes and group homes. I didn’t drink often in my late teens or early twenties, but when I did, I drank until blackout. In my late twenties, I discovered cocaine, thinking it would help me “sobering up” during blackouts a misguided attempt to control myself. My choices led to dangerous consequences.
Like many Indigenous people, I grew up within the foster care system. I am a younger Sixties Scoop survivor, part of a period in Canada when Indigenous children were taken from their families and placed into white foster homes. My mother had me at 16 and struggled with alcoholism and addiction my childhood face different circumference. She temporarily gave me up to child welfare due to the volatile situation with my father, who was also an alcoholic. My mother was tragically murdered at 21, and my father, homeless for much of my youth, died of an overdose when I was in my early twenties. Recently, in a sweat lodge ceremony, I had a vision of my parents embracing me and laughing with my children in my home. The vision brought me peace and healing It was a powerful realization of their true, beautiful natures, beyond the pain I knew growing up.
I spent my early years in a rural trailer with a foster mom who did her best, teaching me values I still carry. Yet, the household was often psychologically abusive. I was gaslit, told I was wrong about my experiences, and cast as the scapegoat among foster children. It wasn’t until recently, after receiving my child welfare files, that I finally confirmed the truth of my experiences and freed myself from doubting my own perceptions. I finally found the truth and self acceptance. Moving between multiple foster and group homes from age 14 onward, I carried shame and hatred for being Indigenous, unlearning the racism imposed by colonial systems.
At 19, I had my first child with a man who had also endured trauma. Our relationship was unstable for 11 years, marked by co-dependency and drinking. I chased the idea of a “perfect life” while drowning in insecurity and shame. I struggle to find out peace and stability .Eventually, I left him with our two children, only to face the most challenging period of my life: addiction. I entered a toxic, drug-induced relationship with my current spouse, barely able to survive. At one point, we couldn’t even afford a simple meal for our children. I felt trapped in my addiction, screaming inside, “This isn’t who I am!”
Pregnancy and treatment became turning points. I got sober through Alcoholics Anonymous, and my spouse eventually joined me, finding sobriety alongside me. Over the last three years, we’ve committed to Indigenous ceremonies, mainly sweat lodges, and built a life together with our five beautiful, happy children. Sobriety and family change our entire life.
I’m now completing my Bachelor of Business degree the first in my family and launching an event production business, Project Unity Productions, focused on reducing racism and promoting diversity through arts and culture.
Looking back, I see the hand of my Creator throughout my life, holding me up through every hardship and miracle. Despite foster care, addiction, and trauma, I’ve discovered resilience, purpose, and joy. My story is proof that miracles happen every day, regardless of where you come from, who you are, or what you’ve endured. You are enough, worthy of goodness, and capable of creating a life filled with love, growth, and possibility. Never give up.
