In early 2016, Samantha and her husband decided it was time to complete their family. They already had two boys, ages five and eighteen months, and their hearts longed for one more child. Boy or girl, it didn’t matter. They just felt ready for another baby. In August of that year, while her husband was away, Samantha took a pregnancy test. It was positive. She wanted to surprise him, especially. She filled their bedroom with pink and blue balloons and laid out shirts saying, “mama bear, daddy bear, two brother bears, and baby bear.” When her husband walked in, his face lit up. They celebrated and shared the news with loved ones right away.
Only two weeks later, Samantha started bleeding. At the hospital, doctors told her she had experienced a chemical pregnancy. The couple was shocked and deeply saddened. Even so, they held on to hope. Their doctor encouraged them to try again, and soon they did. In October, Samantha found out she was pregnant again. She saw a tiny heartbeat flickering on the screen at the first ultrasound. Relief and joy filled her heart. She and her husband waited twelve weeks before announcing it to others. When that milestone passed, they finally shared the news. This time, everything looked perfect.
By January of 2017, Samantha was 18 weeks along. She and her husband went in for a special ultrasound to learn the gender. Samantha was convinced it was another boy. She felt the same as she had during her earlier pregnancies. But to their surprise, the technician smiled and said it was a girl. Overwhelmed with excitement, they planned a gender reveal. They filled black balloons with pink glitter and invited family and close friends to pop them. When the balloons burst, glitter rained down across the room. Everyone cheered. After years of boys, Samantha’s family finally welcomed a girl.
They chose the name Victoria Jo. At her 20-week checkup, everything looked normal. Samantha felt confident her baby girl was healthy and growing. But on the night of January 31, while watching television, Samantha noticed tightening in her belly. At first, she thought Victoria was just active, but the tightening became consistent as the night went on. By midnight, she and her husband decided to go to the hospital. Doctors admitted her quickly and ran tests. They tried to stop the contractions, but nothing worked. Samantha held on to hope that things would calm down. By the afternoon of February 1, doctors shared words that would stay with her forever. At only 22 weeks, they said, Victoria’s life was not considered a priority. If she were born, they could not help her. Samantha felt anger and disbelief. Her daughter’s heartbeat was still strong. How could her life not matter?
That night, her water broke. Fear washed over her. She wondered if Victoria would be born alive, if she would suffer, if she and her husband would survive this pain. At 10 p.m., she began pushing. Within minutes, Victoria was born. At 10:12 p.m. on February 1, 2017, their sweet girl entered the world. She was only 11.4 ounces and 9.5 inches long. She was silent. She was lifeless, but so perfect. Samantha held her, kissed her, and cried. The room was filled with silence except for her sobs.
The next day, Samantha and her husband had to do what no parent imagines. They made arrangements with funeral homes and cemeteries. They held their daughter for over 12 hours, memorizing every feature, every detail, knowing it was the only time they would have with her. They held a funeral with close family and later a burial service where more than 50 people came to show love and support. The kindness was overwhelming, yet the days and weeks after were filled with bitterness and grief. Samantha often thought, “Why me? Why my baby?” She looked at children born the same month and thought, “That could have been my daughter.”
In April of 2017, Samantha learned she was pregnant again. Hope and fear collided. Some days she felt joy. Other days, she felt guilty for allowing herself to feel it. At 15 weeks, she discovered it was another girl. They named her Abigail. This baby became Samantha’s rainbow after the storm. The pregnancy was not easy, and the innocence of expecting was gone. But she carried on week by week. At 34 weeks, she did a maternity photo shoot with rainbow glitter to honor her daughters.
Abigail was born on December 14, 2017. She was healthy, strong, and beautiful—a rainbow baby. Samantha speaks Victoria’s name often. She has raised money in her honor and supported other grieving parents. She knows happiness can be taken away, but love never fades. Victoria will always be her baby girl, and Abigail will forever be her rainbow.
