My name is Marissa Adams, and my story is long, full of both highs and lows. I was born in Fresno, California, but grew up in San Diego with my twin sister. My mom raised us on her own while battling mental illness. I didn’t meet my father until I was seventeen. He was a former Marine who struggled with addiction and spent much of my childhood in and out of prison.
At twenty years old, my life changed forever. I had been dating my boyfriend for about six months when I found out I was pregnant. This news shocked me because I had never really wanted kids and wasn’t sure I could even have them. Up until then, I had been living a pretty reckless life, partying, making impulsive decisions, just having fun. But when I found out I was going to be a mother, everything shifted. I got a job, started thinking about the future, and tried to become someone my child could depend on.
Her father, however, didn’t make the same changes. He kept drinking, partying, and chasing his dreams of becoming a rapper and fashion designer. He wouldn’t work, but his family helped out with clothes, diapers, and even a baby shower. I knew my minimum wage job wouldn’t be enough, so at eight months pregnant, I went back to community college.
That step was only possible because of two amazing women: my mother and Mrs. Alston, the daycare provider who had once cared for me when I was a child. After my daughter was born, she became my daughter’s daycare provider too. She gave me peace of mind knowing my little girl was safe while I worked and studied.
With time, my hard work began to pay off. I got promotions at work, earned better pay, and eventually moved out of my mom’s one-bedroom apartment into my own place. Life wasn’t easy, but slowly I was building a future for me and my daughter.
In 2011, my sister and a close friend convinced me to join Facebook. I had always avoided social media because I valued privacy, but eventually I gave in. Soon after, I reconnected with Anthony, my high school best friend. Back in 2001, he had even proposed to me, but I turned him down because I was too young and not ready. He went into the military, and although we stayed in touch over the years, it was always as friends.
When we reconnected online, things felt different. Anthony had always seen me, heard me, and accepted me. We began talking daily, sharing our struggles as single parents. He told me about his fight to stay in his son’s life, and I opened up about the difficulties with my daughter’s father. Somewhere along the way, our friendship turned into something more. Within six months, we were in a long-distance relationship and talking about marriage.
That August, my daughter and I got on a plane for the first time and moved to Virginia to be with Anthony. The day before we left, I was served with family court papers from my daughter’s father, but I went ahead with my plans, hoping distance would make things easier.
Adjusting wasn’t simple. My daughter had a hard time sharing me with another adult, and she struggled with jealousy when Anthony showed me affection. On top of that, Anthony’s custody issues with his son’s mother were worsening. She often refused to let him see his son despite court orders. At one point, she even moved out of state without telling him. Watching him fight so hard to be a father while being blocked at every turn was heartbreaking.
Eventually, she returned, but by then I was pregnant. Anthony was finally awarded full custody of his son after years of battles. The judge said it was because the mother couldn’t put her child’s needs before her own. It was a bittersweet day. While we were glad to have his son with us full time, there was also so much pain and brokenness between the adults involved.
Since then, life as a blended family has been anything but easy. For years, Anthony’s mother-in-law dragged us back and forth to court with false accusations. CPS was called on us more than once. I learned quickly that while stepfathers often get praise, stepmothers are judged harshly. Many people told me what I could or could not do as a “stepmom.” But the truth is, I’ve raised my stepson daily since 2013. I’ve been there for homework, dinners, doctor visits, and milestones, just like I’ve been for my daughter.
Through all of it, Anthony and I made a promise to raise our kids with love, structure, and peace. We encourage them to respect all adults in their lives and maintain healthy relationships with their other parents whenever possible. We advocate for therapy, making sure each child has a safe space to process feelings. And we focus on giving them a childhood filled with good memories, not pain to recover from later.
Now, after eleven years of marriage and nearly a decade of raising our children together, we are a beautifully blended family. We’re far from perfect, we make mistakes like everyone else, but we always keep the kids’ best interests at heart.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: blended family life is hard, but it’s worth it when you put the children first. Don’t waste energy on revenge or proving your worth. Create a safe, loving home and focus on what you can control. At the end of the day, being the “bigger person” may be tough, but it sets the example your kids need most.
