Sometimes, life can be changed in a single breath, in ways we never imagined. On the morning of March 5, 2020, Dr. Lenore Matthew’s world shattered when her husband, just 34 years old, ended his life without warning. He was the picture of warmth, intelligence, and kindness to everyone around him. He had a close circle of friends, a thriving career in engineering, and a marriage filled with love and adventure.
Together, they lived abroad, traveled often, and cherished simple joys like cooking dinner or spending quiet Sundays reading. On the outside, their life was whole and beautiful. But underneath, he carried a hidden pain no one could see. That morning, less than an hour before his death, Lenore spoke with him on the phone. They discussed simple plans, including buying dishes for their new apartment and attending a basketball game with their friend.
He even sent her the photo of the freshly painted bedroom, perfectly done, just like everything he touched. She replied to him with admiration, and his final words were, “You are.” A short while later, he took his life in their new home; the shock was indescribable. Friends came to find her at a cafe where she was working, and by the end of the day, at the police station, a detective handed her one of his suicide notes. In that note, he apologized and left instructions for his friend to be notified first, shielding her even in death from being the first to know.
In the days and months that followed, pieces of his truth began to unravel. He had endured years of sexual abuse as a child and teenager, trauma so deeply buried that he never sought help. Instead, he created a perfect facade, an accomplished career, a loving marriage, and a life of order and success to outrun the nightmare within. He blamed himself for not being able to “get over it,” never connecting the abuse with the relentless inner suffering. When the weight of it became unbearable, he chose to end his life.
Looking back, Lenore realized her intuition had whispered to her many times over their 13 years together. She felt something was wrong; her stomach ached, her body alert. Yet he constantly reassured her with love, and she convinced herself everything was fine. On the day before his passing, the air felt heavy, but she rationalized it as nerves about the move. Only afterward did she understand her gut had been right all along.
The aftermath of losing him was devastating. In an instant, she lost not only her husband but the life they had built; their home, her career, and even the language she spoke was an expat. Lenore describes it as starting from ground zero, rebuilding life from ruins.
It took nearly a year to recover from her husband’s shock. Slowly, she began reconstructing her life, guided by one principle: trusting her intuition. Lenore learned that intuition is not abstract; it shows up in the body, energy, and subtle touches that tell when something is wrong. Through healing, Lenore found a way to maintain a connection with her husband beyond death. This connection allowed her not only to understand his suicide more deeply but also to discover her soul’s purpose.
Lenore shares her story to encourage others to trust their instincts, listen when the body sends warnings, and open a conversation space that may save her life. She also worked to help others connect with loved ones they have lost and to shed light on the hidden struggles many men face after abuse.
Her advice is simple but profound: Energy doesn’t lie. Our gut instincts are often more accurate than our rationalizations or fears. She urged others not to dismiss those inner nudges but to lean into them, even if they don’t understand their reason.
Love, fear, and logic could cloud judgment, but the body often knows when something is wrong. Lenore admits she missed her husband every single day. She also feels him with her, guiding her toward authenticity, resilience, and a life rebuilt through trust in her inner knowing.
