when people ask if it was love at first sight i always say yes. Life can feel bleak but sometimes out of nowhere a ray light breaks through. For us in New Orleans, hurricane Katrina marked a turning point.
Our lives we knew up until that point stopped. And it didn’t resume normally until years after. Before Katrina, I found myself. For years a battled internally about who I was and who I wanted to be. I longed to be in love. The love romance novels were made from. But there was one caveat. Gay romance novels really weren’t a thing back then.
I found myself dreaming at night having a life which was acceptable, admired and respected. I grew up in the South and it was terribly hard at times. I had a disgusting, homophobic and abusive father, who did polar opposite of what loving dads are supposed to do.
I was raised in the church. I sang in the choir all of my childhood. I created friends and found some of my talents because of church. But unfortunately, I also found some of my deepest insecurities.
I remember hearing remarks growing up from family members about news stories regarding gay and lesbian issues. I was always left so uncomfortable by the backwoods and ignorant things they would say. It left me hopeless. So, I suppressed the feelings and kept moving on.
Years went by and I graduated high school and knew in my heart it was time to leave Mississippi. I loved my family, but I needed to find myself without the judgement of anyone else. I needed to leave the nest built in the ‘Pine Belt’ and either fly or fall.
As life would have it, I did fly. I soared. I became who I needed to be. Every day went by, I grew more confident in who I was and who I wanted to become. I created long lasting relationships which I still have to this day. Those friends allowed me to accept who I truly was, working my way from the inside out. I was making great headway- and then our whole world stopped in it’s tracks.
Katrina ripped through all of our lives down here in the south. And it took years to recover. I finally was able to go back to New Orleans and find a new job. I found a job at a nigh club on Bourbon street and stepped into the back office. And there, in front of me he sat filling out a new hire work form. In the split second of time- it was like time had stopped. All of sudden the bass from the dance floor silenced. All I could hear and feel was the sound of my heart beating out of my chest.
He looked up and in that very moment, our eyes met for the first time. I can still to this day smell the stale cigarette smoke from the office ashtray. I remember what the room looked like. I remember what we both were wearing. I absolutely couldn’t look away. I was frozen in time. I know in this very situation this is what I had always prayed for. This was the boy who was going to save me. He was my white knight riding in to rescue me.
Love at first sight is absolutely real. It gives you the jitters and it is hard to do anything else but focus on the moment you are in, in the exact second. Our twenties were wild, to say the least. Some may know this already but, before Covid-19, New Orleans didn’t sleep. The bars never closed.
We spent carefree nights together growing deeply in love his sweetness made me sure he was the one. I wanted him to meet my family but fear of their reaction overwhelmed me.
December quickly came and as excited as I was, I still was very nervous. We packed my car and put all of the gifts in the back. Off we went to my family’s for a Mississippi Christmas.
When I came out my mom struggles even pleading with me through tears but by Christmas 2006, she welcomed my partner with my open arms showing me love and acceptance that Christmas became unforgettable marking a new chapter filled with joy and healing.
In that moment I was just so happy to be where I was, where I had been and to be surrounded by the love that was there. My mom came into the room and said, ‘I know you may not like it, but I had to find something.’ She gave me stocking for Douglas saying you can’t come in without one it felt like the beginning.
