Life is the perfect amalgam of good and bad moments. Ones that make you feel miserable, while others make you experience the emotions you never thought you would go through. In 2017, the siblings lost a brother and their father, his son. Jeff lost his battle to cancer after a three-month struggle. The three months consisted of countless visits to the hospitals and medications. With his death, everyone in the family was shattered, but the father, although he did not show it, was going through the most brutal battle of his entire life.
Ever since Jeff passed away, Dad was quieter than usual, like he was still processing the grief that he had encountered. While welcoming a child is the most beautiful moment of a person’s life, have you ever imagined the grief of bidding goodbye to your little angel? What added to the father’s pain was that the love of his life, his mom, was diagnosed with Dementia and often forgot things. While he was at the gravesite, saying a final goodbye to their son, Mom sat in the car and even later complained about how long it took.
For her mother, dementia had probably eased the pain as she often did not even realise how Jeff was no longer going to be there, and with all the forgetfulness, the death was easy on her. However, dad woke up every day with the same weight, a devastated mind, and a broken heart, and yet despite this, he woke up choosing to act strong, the one who never gives up. For the children, imagining how tough it would be on mom if she did not have dementia is no less than a nightmare. She would not be able to cope!
Of course, the children wanted to be present for the father, to let him know their support and love were always beside him. However, everyone knew how the mother’s mental presence would have made things easier for her. At least he could share how he felt. All these years, they were excellent partners, more like best friends, but now, when the children see the pain behind dad’s eyes and how he has to reopen the wound of Jeff’s death to explain to mother that he was their son and has passed away. Mother replies with no emotion.
She is unable to process emotions the same way since her diagnosis and is prone to even forgetting her family members. However, when their love is witnessed, and there are moments of clarity, they bring the family a different kind of relief. A few months back, the children heard dad telling mom how he loved her, and a few months later, she had broken down and gotten emotional because of Jeff’s death. Everything seems normal when such things happen, when the mother finally remembers things.
In such moments of heartbreak, the family gives Mom time to process and understand things by herself, as in the next few minutes, she loses her memory again. It’s a constant cycle. However, this happened months ago, and the family has not seen her cry or remember things ever since then. However, Dad seems upset. He does not have the energy to do things the same way and often stops by to say hello to Jeff when he is out to get things done. It is probably his way of letting go of all the grief and sorrow in his heart.
There is nothing that can be done to make the pain bearable or at least better for dad, as the bond between a parent and child is unbreakable. For the family, although it was tough to know that the mother was diagnosed with dementia, it was truly a blessing in disguise, as it acted as a shield from all the pain the father went through, all alone.
