She could never experience the beauty and closeness of having a close bond with her mother or anyone in the family, although it was all she wanted sometimes. Not just this, she worked hard, wanted to achieve things, to see the pride on her dad’s face that she saw only on the faces of others when their children achieved something. On days she knew, she might not be able to do either, even after trying for a lifetime, the fact that she did not even see her grandparents, the only people who would want to spoil her with love after her parents.
The family tree was not like other families; it consisted of trauma and addiction. One that did not seem to end, and now she, too, was inheriting all those genes. For her, the idea of what love was blurred as she never experienced it herself. It was complicated like a puzzle with missing pieces she could not find. Even when she came across someone and it all felt real, many questions were inside her head.
Why would anyone want to love her when even her family could not? The family was supposed to love her the most, but they failed. However, everything made sense when she found love in someone else. It was a place where she was not looking for love, yet she still felt like there was something that kept her holding on. They were the people who were not supposed to love her; it was optional, yet without failing, they did it every day, the most love she had ever gotten.
Now in her thirties, she is self-aware and has a purpose, unlike in her past. She acknowledges that everyone has a different journey, unique from everyone else, and for her, fate chose love by choice and not by blood. The people she begged for love were ever the ones to give her what she wanted, but her friends did it all. No matter the happiness, through every milestone, loss, and heartbreak stood faces familiar. On some days, they were there with big smiles to join in celebrations, while on other days, they held her tight until she let go of all the negative emotions that took over her.
They were healers, the ugly criers that did not let her cry alone, and even welcomed babies. For them, they became family. A family that god had kept safe at first, so she knew that love comes in different forms! Her friends know about all the pain that she went through, the silent tears, the highs and the lows, and to date, the family does not. Her friend held her hand and walked beside her on her big day when her dad refused to. There were no further questions, but they were showing up as they understood the importance of showing up.
Even after years, these friends shower her with love and treat her child like their own. The non-biological aunties are the best at whatever they do, from being a safe space to being the best co-workers—ones who keep you from all sorts of pressure from the surroundings. It is the kind of love that has no conditions, one that keeps her grounded to the core.
Although it hurt her that she did not have a home where she could share stuff and feel safe, her friends became family, and it is the family she chooses now—one that chooses her back, too, and it is enough for her.
