I was adopted as a baby, and now I am a mom through adoption. Both my daughter and I were adopted as infants through an agency, but there is a big difference between our experiences. Mine was a closed adoption, and my daughter’s is open.
Being raised in a closed adoption meant I had no knowledge of my birth family. I had no names, no pictures, and no medical history. I got a single sheet of paper that described my birth parents’ general appearances and hobbies. My original birth certificate was sealed, and my adoptive parents’ names were on it instead. Even now, at 43, my birth certificate remains legally closed.
I was born in 1979. My adoptive parents got a “baby born” call unexpectedly because they had adopted my brother not long before. My mom often told me that while driving to the hospital, she called my grandfather and asked him to buy a crib and put it together before bringing me home.
I always knew I was adopted. With my brother and me both adopted, our family made adoption a normal part of life. I even felt unique, knowing that I was adopted. My parents told me often how much they wanted us before we were born. I remember telling a friend about adoption, and she started crying because she realized her family had loved her for only nine months before she was born, unlike our parents who had been waiting for years.
Being adopted isn’t always easy. People often ask strange or hurtful questions like, “Who are your real parents?” or make teasing remarks. Over time, I learned to develop thick skin, as many adoptees do, because most people have little understanding of adoption.
Years later, my husband and I got married, and I gave birth to our oldest daughter. My husband also has adoption in his family his mother married his father, who adopted him. Together, we only know a small part of our biological histories.
A few years later, we moved from Chicago to Oregon. By then, I was in my late thirties, and we decided to try for another baby. Unfortunately, I had several early miscarriages, which was heartbreaking. After three losses, we decided to expand our family through adoption, given our connection to it.
We researched adoption agencies and learned about open adoption, which was very different from my experience. We spent six months on paperwork, home visits, and training. We also created a profile to introduce ourselves to expectant parents. We wanted an open adoption, meaning regular contact with the birth family.
Waiting was hard. Then, one day, we received the call that an expectant mother had picked us to be her child’s parents. We were overjoyed and nervous. Over several months, we got to know her through texts and calls. When she went into labor, we flew to her state to be there. She invited me into the delivery room, which I will never forget. My only request was that she hold our daughter first, so she could have special bonding time a moment I was denied in my own adoption story.
Afterward, my husband met her and the baby, and we stayed a few weeks longer than required to help her adjust. Since then, we have kept in touch through messages, calls, and visits. Our daughter knows and loves her birth family, and we all benefit from the connection, including learning her family’s medical history.
Open adoption allows flexibility. Some families have limited contact, others see each other regularly. Each adoption is unique, and it changes over time. Open adoption has many benefits, and I wanted to reflect that in the books we read to our daughter. Many adoption books focus on the birth mother’s struggle but don’t celebrate the love of both the birth and adoptive families.
I authored a book titled Surrounded by Love: An Open Adoption Story. It shows the love around an adoptee before birth and throughout life. I worked with illustrator Darlee Urbiztondo to bring the story to life. The characters wear specific colors to show their impact on the child’s life. The book was written to inspire confidence and help young adoptees understand that they are truly loved, not just fortunate.
Through this book and our family experience, I hope to honor adoption, especially open adoption, and show the love that surrounds every child from birth and beyond.
