I fell in love for the very first time when I was 21.
Looking back now, I realize something in me had shifted years earlier, sometime after I turned thirteen, though I never really understood it back then. One evening, after work, a coworker asked me to join him for a drink at the Flensburg hotel bar. At the time, I didn’t realize it was a gay bar.
Courtesy of Marc Snijders
That’s when I saw him. The moment our eyes met, something inside me clicked. It felt like love at first sight, and in that instant, I knew the truth about myself I was gay. I had dated girls before and thought I understood love, but this was nothing like that. This was deeper, lighter, more real. It was as if a weight I had been carrying for years had suddenly fallen away. For the first time, I felt completely myself.
Courtesy of Marc Snijders
But that freedom came with fear. I worried about how others would see me, not because I thought there was anything wrong with me, but because I didn’t know how they might react. The first person I had to tell was my mother. We had always been close, so I picked up the phone right away. My voice shook, and tears kept breaking through, making it hard for her to understand me at first. When I finally got the words out, she paused and simply said, “So what? You’re my son. That’s never going to change.”
Courtesy of Marc Snijders
Those words gave me a strength I can’t fully explain. I knew she loved me without conditions, and that gave me the courage to live my truth.
at my fourty threes my mom died. She passed away just before Christmas on a Friday night in December. My brother called, asking if I was alone, and then told me, “Mom’s gone.” She had wrapped all the Christmas presents, sat down that evening, and never got up again. She passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack.
I felt hollow inside. Driving home the next day, I saw the gifts she had chosen for us and felt the sting of knowing we thought we had more time. But we didn’t.
What I have now are memories and one stands out above all others. That night, twenty-two years ago, when I told her who I was, her reaction shaped the person I became. It gave me the courage to be proud, open, and unapologetic.
Today, I’m a hotel manager leading a team of almost 150 people. I’m surrounded by people I love, and I’m free to be myself because of her. But I know not everyone gets that kind of love. Too many still live in fear of rejection.
Courtesy of Marc Snijders
Her words “The reply should always be, “So what? I love you exactly as you are.”. Love should never come with conditions or approval. If even one parent, sibling, or friend chooses to respond with full acceptance after hearing my story, that’s enough. A few lines to change someone’s faith.
