Jilian brought up a feeling that not many mothers talk about because of the bittersweet emotions it causes: the sense of seeing your little angels grow. What started as just another day of cleaning stuff at home left her emotional when the thought that all this stuff would be replaced as her son grew took over. Jilian was cleaning up her son’s arts and crafts tote, one that he did not play with anymore, and when she emptied it, a bunch of things fell out of the bag.
From the dried play doughs that he once made shapes with using his chubby hands, broken crayons that he filled the notebooks and coloured calls with, to the crusty glue bottles. How did she not realize that they would be dumped into the trash, the glitter bottles, and the characters he doodled would be crushed in the garage over time? Waves of grief passed through, and nostalgia of seeing her baby play with all the stuff which was now meant to be thrown out hit her.
Did she ever realize how the pipe cleaners and paintbrushes the baby’s tiny hands held would turn into nostalgia someday? No, but how could it not when it was all related to the human, most dear to her, her son.
She realized that day how, without her realizing it, her son was now in a new phase of his life. New things did not fascinate him the same way, and instead of asking for hot chocolate, he now requested that his mother get him a Frappuccino. Something he would struggle to pronounce previously. It was time to bid goodbye and box up all the Curious George books because he had read them all and wanted Rick Riordan now. Instead of generally saying he wanted toys as a gift, he asks for cards. The baby no longer has playtime with mommy and prefers watching puppet shows on YouTube. A young man, he is!
Of course, for Mommy, he would remain her baby, probably even when he turned into a young adult, but it makes her sad when she thinks of how there will be a time when thunder storms and the dark will not scare him anymore, and he will not need Mommy’s presence or his little lamb to make him sleep. The lamb is already fading in colour because it does not need it most days. The only thing she can make peace with is that the baby still needs his mommy, even though he is growing up too fast.
Letting go of all the precious stuff that her little one owned is hard; however, watching him grow and learn new things is true joy. This may be how parenthood works: accepting that your kids will not need you as much with time. She does not know how life will work when the baby will not need her anymore, but she does not want to think of it either.
At that moment, she recalled how, while she was pregnant, a lady told her to enjoy it and warned her how fast the babies grow. She was right, and the realization was sudden! Jilian also recalls singing “Love You Forever” to her baby boy while he sat in her lap on the rocking chair. His chubby hands patted Mommy’s cheeks to give her assurance of how he enjoyed every bit of the song. Jilian is glad that the realization hit her before it was too late, as she still catches glimpses of moments when he needs mommy by his side.
Parenthood is beautiful, but watching your kids turn into their unfiltered versions and letting their personalities spark can be a bittersweet journey. She hopes not to see the day he lets her go soon and prays that this phase lasts long, as mommy will forever love her little boy the same!
