When I was 14, I met Joel. Right from the start, I knew I wanted to marry him, even though we were just friends. It took us 10 years to get married. During that time, Joel had a terrible car accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down and unable to speak. It was a hard time, but we went through a lot together and finally felt ready to spend our lives together. We married in September 2013 and started planning for a family exactly one year later.
For almost three years, we tried to have a baby naturally, but it didn’t happen. After Joel made some recovery, we decided to start the adoption process. We told our close family and friends, and they were happy for us. We wanted to adopt from the foster care system because we had experienced trauma and special needs ourselves.
We believed we could give a loving home to a child who had lost everything. Also, adoption through foster care in Florida has many benefits, like free college education for the child, and it is almost free for parents.
We wanted to adopt an older child because caring for Joel takes much of my time and energy. People think younger kids have fewer problems, but that’s not true. Science shows kids of all ages can heal and grow. One Thanksgiving, we invited some foster kids over. I took pictures of them as part of their heart gallery to help them find families. One boy, whom we called ‘T,’ was shy and rarely smiled, but at our house, he smiled a lot. He ate well and talked more than usual. We liked him right away. He looks good.
In January, we got a list of kids available for adoption. T was the oldest and the only one we had met. He liked sports, just like Joel. On February 13, 2018, we were matched with T, and the next day, we told him we wanted to adopt him. We made a special book about our family for him. We all bonded over basketball because Joel and I loved playing since we were kids.
T stayed with us and seemed happy, but he struggled with the difference between our home, where there were rules and love, and the boys’ home, which was very hard. He said he didn’t feel like he belonged with us. By March, T decided he didn’t want to be adopted, which broke our hearts. We called this a disruption, and after that, we never heard from him again.
But then, our adoption coordinator told us about another boy named Freddie. He was 13 and had three sisters. We decided to meet him. Freddie wasn’t expecting adoption and wasn’t sure about it, but we took things gently and let him get comfortable. We met his sisters and had fun with him.
Freddie officially joined our family after his 14th birthday in August 2018. Sadly, eight months later, Joel passed away suddenly. I was so sad, but Freddie and I grew closer through the hard times. He started giving me hugs and became my support. He is funny, caring, and loving. We spent time together cooking, kayaking, and living on a farm with animals, which was my dream.
Freddie loves animals, makes music on his computer, and even runs small businesses. He’s shy around crowds but fun once you get to know him. Adoption changed me. I learned that love is a choice we make every day. It’s not just feelings but a decision to care and accept. Life is short, and love should not wait.
