People often ask me, “what is it like to adopt an older child? Should we change birth order? How will it affect our kids?” These are big, emotional questions. But they matter. A little girl out there is being passed from house to house, with nothing but a trash bag holding all her belongings.
She needs a mom to tell her she is loved, to hold her when she cries. Somewhere, there is a boy wondering why babies get adopted and he does not. He wants a family too.
No, it is not easy. But most important things in life are not.
Two years ago, our kids were just toddlers 3 and 2 years old and both had special needs. Life was finally settling down. Then we got a call. Their older brother was entering foster care. Could we take him?
We were scared, but we said yes.
In less than a day, my whole world shifted. I went from chasing toddlers around the house to suddenly being the mom of a seven-year-old. It was a leap I hadn’t expected to make so soon. I had read all the books, taken trauma-informed parenting classes, and promised myself we would never disrupt the natural birth order of our children. But then the call came, and deep down, I knew God was asking us to say yes. That was the anchor knowing this wasn’t just our decision, but His.
Those five month waas most hardest time fior me where i scared even lose my hope that moment we realise thing will chnage and hurt too but we stay together and have to stay strong, Our new son came with so much pain bottled up inside. Everything seemed to trigger him, and we never knew what might set him off. One moment he would be laughing, the next moment he would spiral into anger or fear. The constant stress took a toll on me physically. My body erupted in a rash that refused to heal, no matter what remedies I tried. It was a visible reminder of the weight I was carrying inside.
Through it all, I prayed. Some days it wasn’t just once or twice I prayed minute by minute, begging God for grace to get through the next moment without breaking. I worried constantly about my little ones too. Had we made the wrong choice? Would this hurt them? Were we reshaping their childhood in a way that might leave scars?
One day, when the fear was overwhelming, I cried out to God in desperation. In that still, quiet place, I felt Him whisper to my heart: “I have called them too. Let Me parent their hearts.” That changed everything. For the first time, I realized this wasn’t just my calling it was theirs as well. God wasn’t only asking me to step into hard places, He was asking the same of my younger children. That truth gave me a peace I hadn’t felt since the beginning.
Slowly, we started to see changes. Our boy began to relax, little by little, learning that he could trust us, that he belonged. He started to feel like family.we start enjoy every single moment we talk so friendly we captureds best moments And then, just after Christmas, he had to leave. The pain of that moment still feels raw. It was as if we had lost a piece of ourselves. My younger kids stood at the window for weeks, watching, waiting, hoping he would come back. Their heartbreak was almost harder to carry than my own.
Months later, the phone rang again. This time, he was coming back maybe for good. From that moment forward, something shifted. He has taught me more about faith, resilience, and love than I ever thought possible. His story is full of brokenness, yet he is so brave. Slowly but surely, he is becoming our son.
One night, as I tucked him in, he looked up and said, “Mommy, you are a perfect mom.” That mment i realise that my love for them were so pure that they admin they got love from foster care same as real parents do with their children.Tears filled my eyes. Those simple words meant more than I can ever explain.
Adopting an older child isn’t easy. The struggles are deep, but so is the joy. And even with all the hard days, I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything.
