It was at a very young age that Katarina’s struggle with food and her body image started. It was never because of how she looked, and she personally felt. Still, all that was embedded in her mind came from her surroundings, as her godmother was constantly telling her to eat better. Imagine being told you’re fat just because the person in front of you thinks he is the only one with a healthy lifestyle.
Her godmother even switched her to eating whole-grain spaghetti, which she never wanted to do. Katarina’s grandma also restricted her to desserts and sweets so she wouldn’t gain weight. This was when the seed of fear and insecurities was sown, and the struggles kept accumulating. When Katarina joined school, she was bullied for her size, and all this made her journey even worse. When she finally decided to see a pediatrician to actually know if there was something wrong, a two-week weight control programme was what the doctor suggested.
However, it was later discovered that Katarina had hypothyroidism, which justified the weight gain as it was one of the significant side effects of the condition. Thus, despite being formally diagnosed, Katarina decided to attend the therapy, and the restrictions were reinforced too. Although she first felt like it would fix her issues, she had to ignore hunger, and her food intake was highly controlled, which eventually made it all even more toxic for her.
Since middle school started, Katarina has had a routine and successfully stuck to it. Most of her day revolved around eating clean and hitting the gym. However, although she cut down on the carbs and thought that her diet was now perfectly balanced, all her diet consisted of was coffee and yogurt. She did keep a cheat day for herself; however, it clearly was not enough as she soon was weighing 83 kgs, stopped getting regular periods, and physically, she was constantly drained and had no energy to do anything at all.
It is fair to say that it was the lowest Katarina had been. This time, when she visited the hospital, her doctor warned her that this condition would become fatal with the lifestyle she followed. It did not impact her much until she fell in love! Love indeed has magical powers to heal and fix you, and at the age of 16, Katarina finally had someone who insisted that she eat more and hit the gym.
Katarina’s boyfriend was a hockey player who made her believe she had the power and strength to fix everything wrong. Before his presence in her life, she never realised how she wanted reminders of her strength, and becoming thin was not just the only thing that her life needed. The couple was the happiest together, and as time passed, Katarina started gaining weight, and it felt like returning to life!
Although her battle continued, the fear of gaining weight kept returning. Not just this, she often had suicidal thoughts; however, with him by her side, Katarina was ready to fight it all back.
Katarina had set a calorie count, and it was all good until it started turning obsessive again. She was overexerting and back to all the restrictions previously set. Not only this, but she got so disturbed that she deleted all the apps she had installed to keep track of her calories.
Katarina was all set to live life for once! Intuitive eating made her learn how she could have lived without fear and finally feel that eating good food is a blessing. Post-pandemic, when she again was cutting carbs, and the fear returned, this time her husband, the same man who held her through the thoughts phase, reminded her how she mattered and there was a balance that she needed to maintain.
In the present day, Katarina is fond of dining out and never hesitates to say yes whenever someone asks if she wants ice cream. She has finally accepted how vital balance is and how she can no longer let fear rule her life. Something that she gets to experience only once. Love and food are two things that deserve to be enjoyed without guilt!
