July 2020. I can still see it that morning light in the bathroom, my hands shaking as I stared down at the test. Two pink lines. For a second, I forgot how to breathe. And then it hit me… I was going to be a mom. A tiny life was growing inside me, and everything in me just shifted. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t shocked.
It was like my heart expanded in one instant a love I didn’t even know existed suddenly took over. In that moment, everything made sense.
Nine months later, on March 5th, 2021, my whole world arrived with my baby girl, Lilliana Veronica Grace. The first time I held her, something in me clicked. That was it. That was the moment I knew what love really meant. Everything made sense. My life felt complete.
At least, I thought it did.
When Lilliana was about three months old, her dad told me he was leaving. At first, he said it was money that things were tight while I was on maternity leave, that we couldn’t keep up. I tried to fix it, tried to make it make sense. But a few weeks later, the truth came out: he said he’d fallen out of love with me.
I can still remember that day. My chest literally hurt. It was like the air was sucked out of the room. I looked around at our home our baby’s things everywhere, the dog curled up in the corner and it just didn’t feel real. We’d known each other for fourteen years. Thirteen together. We had a home, a life, a child. I couldn’t understand how it all could just… end.
It felt like the ground disappeared.
Before Lilliana, we were happy. We laughed, we were close, we had fun. But after she came, everything changed. My world revolved around her her sleep, her feeding, her tiny cries. I was tired all the time. I wasn’t the same woman I used to be. I stopped going to the gym. The house wasn’t spotless. My body changed. I changed. And I think that’s when he stopped recognizing me.
Maybe that’s why he left. Maybe not. I’ll never really know. But when I found out he’d already been with someone else a few weeks later, it was like a punch in the gut. Still… it gave me the closure I needed. It was the final answer to every question that had kept me awake at night.
Being a new mom is hard enough. Doing it alone? It’s something else. Every day is a balancing act do I nap when she naps, or do I clean, eat, shower, fold the laundry?
And when my mum offers to help, I end up using the time to catch up on chores instead of resting. But even on the worst days, when I’m running on no sleep and everything feels heavy, I look at my girl and think she’s worth it. Every single second of it.
Now, a few months later, I can finally feel myself coming back. Slowly. I stayed in our home, but I made it ours. I painted the walls, changed the furniture, filled it with photos of me and Lilliana. It’s no longer the house where everything fell apart it’s the place where we’re starting over. And I’m proud of that.
My body looks different now. Softer. Stronger in a new way. This body carried my daughter, gave her life, and held her close through every long night. Every stretch mark, every scar — it’s all proof of love. I used to chase perfection. Now I chase peace.
And yeah, I still get scared sometimes. Scared I won’t be enough. Scared I’ll mess up. But then I look at her those big eyes staring back at me and I know I won’t fail her. I can’t. I come from strong women. My mum raised me and my sister on her own after my dad walked away. My nan, who always said, “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by.” I hold on to those words every day.
Some days I cry in the shower. Some days I feel unstoppable. That’s motherhood. It’s messy, exhausting, and beautiful all at once.
When I look at Lilliana now, I see love real love, the kind that heals you. She’s my reason, my strength, my home. I may have lost a partner, but I found myself.
And if you’re reading this another mom, sitting in the quiet, wondering how you’ll make it through you will. You’ve got this. You are stronger than you know.
One day, you’ll look back and realize the life you thought fell apart was actually just falling into place.
