Looking back, I realize becoming a gestational carrier twice felt like life guiding me there through love, family and experiences that shaped me.
Prior to the birth of our second child, we were giving serious thought to the idea of moving. Not just moving within the area we knew, the place my husband was born and raised, but a big move. We talked about the fact that our children were young, and we were starting to outgrow our home. Within those closed-door conversations, we agreed to allow whatever was meant to be happen.
As the weeks went on, conversations were had with my husband’s current employer, and they approved a transfer. I was currently working as an insurance broker in New York and was looking for what I could do in our new location. What I started to notice was surrogacy continued to find its way into my online job searches. It wasn’t just one time; it happened repeatedly. The seed was planted.
she decided to become a surrogate, went through a long matching and medical process, and finally found the right couple to carry the baby for.
As with anything new, I had the jitters. I was filled with many emotions – excitement, fear, nervousness. And then I had to start my intermuscular injections. The needles were 2 inches long and very intimidating. For my first one, I set out a bag of frozen peas, a heating pad, the two different needles, the bottle of progesterone, the alcohol pad, and gauze on a small towel on my bed. I can recall my husband, and kids were in the room and I kept taking deep breaths. I prepared the needle and my skin and eventually I just jabbed the needle into the designated spot. It was the first of hundreds.
Eventually, it became easier as the area became numb to the pain. I followed the protocol with patches, pills and shots all throughout the day. As we got closer to the embryo transfer date, we were trying to sync my cycle with a fresh egg donor. When trying to create an embryo this way, many things have to line up perfectly and, in our case, it did not work out.
I was not ready for the embryo transfer at the time it was created, so the clinic had to freeze the embryo for a short time before I was ready. When all of my labs and internal ultrasounds looked as if they were ready, I flew out to the West Coast, leaving my one- and three-year-old and my husband. I spent five days in a hotel resting and hoping for the best.
I had the embryo transfer on Wednesday and by Monday I had a positive home pregnancy test. As with any positive test, the wave of emotions is intense – there is hope and excitement, but it teeters on the unknown. As much as this is science, it is also a miracle. There are no guarantees.
My husband and I suffered two first trimester miscarriages before successfully having our daughter, we know the heartbreak that can come when you imagine what the future looks like from that first positive test. With surrogate pregnancies, there is a plethora of testing, so for the following weeks I had my blood tested and we saw the numbers were rising.
She had smooth pregnancy, delivered and the baby by C-section, and got to see and welcome the newborn before giving her to the excited parents.
I could hear the door open, and I heard the parents speak; they were asking if I was okay. This journey, to expand your family, but needing help from a village of people is not for the faint of heart. I am forever bonded to this family. I have hopes of being in attendance for their most special days.
In the hospital, we each had our own rooms, and the parents came to visit with us as often as they could. More memories forever etched in my brain are the times when they would wheel her hospital bassinet into my room and then I witnessed them bonding as a family.
Seeing the parents care for their newborn made all the pregnancy struggles disappear and reminded her why surrogacy is so special.
The family and I spoke about completing a sibling journey when I was in the hospital, they even asked the doctor just hours after my C-section. The doctor made a comment about how my insides were very healthy and he believed I could carry again. We were all thrilled for a successful outcome and the idea for the future.
Fast forward a few years, my family was dealing with my parent’s divorce and my children starting school. Our life looked a little different and the timing of a second journey wasn’t in the cards for us right then. The parents understood and found another wonderful carrier to bring their second baby into the world this past year.
They found someone geographically close to us and we were able to visit with the baby when they were here. It was so nice to see the new big sister, the baby I carried, so grown up. I told her I loved her a million times that evening. Unfortunately, this was when the pandemic was shutting down international travel and they needed to return home immediately. I am thankful for that evening we spent together, and I know it will not be our last time.
Two weeks after losing my baby, I suddenly woke up with unbearable pain and could barely crawl to the bathroom.
