Losing both my parents at 23 turned something I thought only happened to others into my reality, leaving me constantly confronted with shock and disbelief from those I tell.
Cancer might as well be a swear word in my book. The sound of it alone makes my heart palpitate. Each time I hear it; I am brought back to the first time it was used in reference to my dad. The idea of him having cancer seemed radically impossible.
He had an annoying ear infection that lasted far too long so he went to the doctor. They found a blockage in his ear. It needed to be surgically removed. They scheduled an appointment.
Surgery day came, and he was set for a quick outpatient procedure. Shortly after starting, they realized the mass was much larger than they thought, and they were not capable of removing it. They referred him to an ENT specialist, and the journey continued. A new surgery date was planned with the ENT.
Surgery day came again. I felt slightly more nervous, this time as my mom and I sat in the outpatient waiting room. It wasn’t long before my mom went off to get snacks, I saw the surgeon come out. I was confused as he approached and sternly asked where my mom was. I let him know she would be right back as I frantically texted her to hurry.
The doctor went to the corner of the waiting room and sat alone with his phone in hand. I stayed in my seat on the other side, staring at him until my mom returned. I thought the longer I stared, maybe I would be able to read his mind, although my anxiety-ridden brain already convinced me that my dad had died. Why else would he be out here already? Why else would he not talk to me without my mom?
After my dad’s cancer returned and he passed away six weeks later, my mom and I were shaken by life’s fragility, pushing us to live fully while cherishing the time we had together.
First, we came down with my cousin’s wife, Amy, to go to a filming of The Price is Right. I ended up getting called down, played the game ‘Now… or Then,’ and won! I won two outdoor fire heaters, a hot tub, a massage chair, a candle subscription, and a Samsung tablet. I went over when I spun the wheel, but I got to give a shout out to my dad in heaven on national television, and that alone was the greatest win of all.
After my dad’s passing, I found comfort in memories, Favorite shows, and family trips, gradually returning to normal life while starting college and cherishing moments with friends and my mom.
I rushed home in panic after hearing my mom was in the hospital, and when I arrived to see my family, a priest, and a chaplain waiting, I instantly knew she was gone forever.
After my mom suddenly passed from a pulmonary embolism, I was devastated, but the support of friends and family helped me begin to heal and keep living, honouring her example of resilience.
At first, I spent a lot of time in Oklahoma with my cousin and his wife. Oklahoma quickly became a place of comfort as it was a new place to create new memories rather than be plagued by the inescapable losses in Sacramento. A few days before my mom’s passing, I found out I got my dream internship at Southwest Airlines in Dallas, TX. After my summer in Oklahoma, I went to Dallas for the internship, traveling to a new city each weekend.
I went back to school for my final two quarters, then, against all odds, I graduated. I became the first in my family to graduate with a bachelor’s degree. I took off for 5 weeks to travel all around Europe with EF Ultimate Break, seeing and doing things my parents never did, healing. Now, I live in Southern California, my happy place, creating a new life for myself in a place where there is not crippling loss at every turn I take.
She learned to live forward after losing both parents, finding strength in new traditions and a supportive circle that helps her keep their memories alive.
