Those words changed my life forever. If you’ve ever lost a baby, you better know how it hurts. People often make pregnancy seem happy and easy, but its not like that for everyone. When you’ve experienced loss, every moment of pregnancy becomes filled with worry and fear.

My journey started in early 2019. I had been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years, and we were happy and excited when we found out I was pregnant for the first time. From the moment I saw that positive test, everything changed. I felt a different person. My thoughts changed. It was like someone new was already part of me, and I loved that tiny life more then everything.

But soon, I started to feel like that something wasn’t right. After several visits to the hospital and many scans, then we got that heartbreaking news that we had lost our baby. I was completely heartbroken. I never imagined I’d be in that position.

I didn’t know who to talk to or how to deal with everything that, I was feeling. I felt like I had joined a silent group of women who had gone through the same thing but were expected to just carry on like nothing happened.

We tried to manage by moving our wedding up. We thought maybe it would be a good distraction. But in reality, I was using it to cover up my pain. I put all my energy in to planning the perfect day of my life in under the three months.

I thought if I made it special enough, it would somehow make up for the sadness. But instead, I completely wore myself out. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and I ended up getting very sick.

Even after the wedding, the pain was still there. A year passed, and then came the news that I was expecting again.

This time, I didn’t celebrate. I was so sacred. I couldn’t let myself believe it, that this is real. I was terrified it would happen again. And it did. We lost our second baby, and that’s when everything really fell apart.

I closed myself off. I stayed away from everyone. I felt completely vacant and isolated. After months of silence and pretending to be okay, I finally reached out for help. I found a charity that supported women who had experienced loss, and slowly, with therapy and support, I began to heal.

Just before my final therapy session, I found out I was pregnant again. Yet on this occasion, there were three heartbeats. Triplets. We were utterly stunned.

On May 5, 2021, our daughters Onyx, Maddox, and Quinn were born at 33 weeks. They are our miracles. Fit, robust, and attractive.
I reflect on both of the ones we lost each day. They will forever be a part of me and our narrative. Their sisters bring their light along, forever.