Parenthood enhances the beauty of life; however, after a few years, when you realise how the family is complete, the happiness it gives is unique. It is not the grief that comes from regret or wanting to change the decision. The sadness comes because it feels like another chapter of your life is closing. You can vividly recall the beautiful pregnancy journey, the joy of the news, and the tiniest, most beautiful baby you’ve ever held. The flashbacks do not stop here as you recall how life became about waiting for first milestones, countless sleepless nights, and shopping for you and the baby.
Alice describes how she felt when she finally admitted that she did not want more babies. Marking the end of babyhood was a decision she knew had to be made, as there are several aspects you need to take care of. However, the grief that came with the decision was unexpected and unreal. But here is the truth! Life goes on by cherishing the memories with your babies and grieving about how you would never be able to experience it all again. The sadness comes on at random times of the day, and very often, from when you are folding laundry and remembering how so many little clothes had to be washed to coming across an old video on the phone.
Also, every time Alice sees a baby cousin of her children, it reminds her of how her children stroked her hair while they gently asked Mama for something. Although human memory is not as strong when it comes to voices, Alice remembers the voices that came from the babbling of her children, and then, as she recalls it all, she is lost. The memories never fail to catch her off guard. So many moments and memories bring the sadness that sits quietly in the background, forward, and she does not know what to do.
At first, Alice opted to be patient quietly and let it all sink in without telling everyone, as every time she thought of sharing how she felt, she did not know how to express it in words. The mothers who had already gone through this stage could probably relate; sharing with them would also remind them of their sadness. She appears to be constantly busy, juggling her professional and personal life. And for people, there is no emptiness, but for her, every other day, the wish to experience the baby stage is always present, and all of it is felt as she celebrates the wins of her children, seeing them grow and thrive!
Alice also wrote down an incident while a live TV cooking segment was being recorded. A guest approached her, touched her arm, and said something she could never have seen coming. She told her about how Alice looked upset because she had decided not to have any more babies, and it was the moment when she teared up instantly. Upon seeing her burst into tears, the guest held her hand and told her it was okay to grieve. Humans must find new things to grow and overcome the old ones. For Alice, that moment was life-changing!
It felt like, after so long, someone had finally acknowledged her feelings and had given her permission to feel the grief and sadness that comes in waves fully. Later that day, she sat in the car and sobbed again, and as the tears flowed down her cheeks, it felt like grief, too, was flowing out. She was also reminded that it was just another chapter of life that had closed down, and there was still a long journey of becoming the best mother for her children. Motherhood itself never ends.
The grief she feels does not define her and is just another part of her story—that is, life! For Alice, it took time to acknowledge that every day she wakes up, there is a lot she has to do for herself and her kids. For the mothers going through a similar phase, know it is okay to grieve; it’s true love!
