The feeling of not mattering to anyone kept her bedridden and starving for several hours every day. All the feelings that hit her after she thought that no one wanted her to be a part of their lives were traumatic for Brandy. All this led her to lose a lot of kgs, and later, she realised how she had forgotten the concept of self-love and care.
Her breakup with someone she had loved despite being in a long-distance relationship since the beginning, embarked her on her self-care journey in 2018. Although it initially seemed like the relationship was built on all the values required for a healthy relationship, it was later proven wrong when things ended badly. The love, trust, and communication had faded. How she thought about the relationship being a ‘forever kinda love’ disappeared like it never existed. It was just when she returned with the man from a trip she took to Hawaii, and Brandy was sure that it was not an ordinary man but her soulmate.
The depression and anxiety that the heartbreak had brought got unbearable on some days. Although Brandy tried her best to pretend that she was doing fine and could cope with all the pain alone, she failed, as on most days she was curled up in her bed with no energy to eat and sobbed every other night. All her efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle, from changing her appearance, eating healthy, to going to the gym, were unsuccessful. She even brought herself a motobike and made a whole new group of friends to make sure she spent quality time, yet all the feelings hit her someday, and she felt like isolating from the world often.
Despite being a cheerful woman, one was always the first to lend a hand of support and her shoulder for others to cry on, she found herself comparing her life and circumstances to those around her. Every time she saw someone accomplish, the grief inside deepened as it felt like she was just there wasting her life at such a young age, 22. The fact that she still lived at her home and had so much to figure out in life made her realize how she had a long journey of growth ahead.
Over time, when she felt like nothing seemed to work out, to numb out her pain, Brandy got used to spending nights outside her home, binge drinking, not knowing how she would just make things worse for herself this way. She tried every single way to keep herself happy and even bought overpriced stuff, yet the feelings remained. All the pain that Brandy went through made her forget how worthy she was of being loved and staying happy.
Like everyone around her, Brandy deserved to accomplish things as she saw everyone else doing. The presence of her family and best friend made her go through it all, and slowly, she mustered up the courage to speak about what she had been going through. Because of the unwavering support around her, Brandy started enjoying the meals and spent more time with her loved ones. Though she still questioned why her ex chose to leave her, it all got better as time passed. The partying and consistent drinking were what she stopped first, and later found a full-time job to get financially stable.
A year passed, and this was when it was time for her to start a new chapter in her life, which was much more beautiful than the previous one, as she had met someone new. This time again, it was a long-distance relationship, yet the guy became her safe space, and he, too, prioritized building a home in which only Brandy and the dogs lived with him. Brandy was diagnosed with high-functioning anxiety and body dysmorphia; however, as she welcomed a fantastic partner in her life, things seemed easier and less challenging to her. The way Brandy’s partner was so patient with her and supported her through it all was what she needed the most to get past the tough times.
Brandy acknowledges how difficult it is to understand a partner who has past traumas and is still fighting them, yet she appreciates the love and understanding her partner gives her. This enables her to unlock many fears and encourages her to speak up rather than fight the battle alone. What made her feel much better was finally taking tiny steps towards pursuing her dream career, a photography business.
Although 2018 was a challenging year that made Brandy go through one of the toughest phases of her life, it also taught her the art of navigating the challenges that come your way and how one can rediscover one’s worth through them.
She wanted to address people about how therapy is not recommended to be avoided, but should be encouraged to bring back a happier and better version of yourself.
