Corrine met her husband in college. Everything felt easy, almost magical. Soon, they got married after she graduated from college. Their first years were quiet, ordinary, but good. They bought a house, fixed it up, figured out money, and settled into married life. They did plan to have kids, but not right away, someday, but not yet. First, the house had to feel like home.
And when it did, they tried. At first, they didn’t track anything. They thought they knew her cycle and pregnancy wouldn’t be that complex. Months passed. Nothing changed, same old negative test each time, and it hit a little harder when Friends announced pregnancies as if it were easy. She tried to ignore it, telling herself it was just timing. Everything would make sense. After a year of endless efforts, there was worry it wouldn’t leave the kind that ate her alive. Her OB suggested a fertility specialist. Corrine didn’t want to go well. She didn’t want to hear that something was wrong, and her husband believed everything was perfectly fine. They argued quietly. Eventually, she booked the appointment.
Walking into the clinic made her anxious and overwhelmed with emotions. The waiting room was full of women. She wondered how long they had been trying, what their story was, and why they ended up here. Did they feel the same fear she did? And when they were called in for a check-up, the doctor barely looked at them. And asked her Routine questions. Corrine felt small, invisible, just a number and not a person. She left knowing she didn’t want to come back. She called her OB and told them everything about how she left about that.
Her period didn’t come next. It felt impossible. It was Absurd. But she gave it a try and tested anyway, to her surprise, she was Pregnant. She stared at the word. Couldn’t believe it was something she longed for. They told a few close people, waiting for the first scan before sharing more. At seven weeks, they saw the baby. A tiny creature with Quick flicker. Eight weeks, still perfect. They asked to be seen at ten weeks instead of twelve just to witness that flicker, and the doctor agreed, and everything made sense.
At her appointment, she lay on the table. Her husband held her hand. The screen was too still. Too quiet, there was nothing. No heartbeat. She looked everywhere, hoping she was wrong. As she whispered, “Where is the heartbeat?” The doctor’s quiet answer made her realize what she was thinking was real. Loss hit like a wave. She thought, Why now? Why after everything? They scheduled a D&C. She worked her last day of school first. Needed normal. Over the weekend, her body started away, making it real, it was grief.
The procedure day was quiet and heavy. Her husband stayed close, trying to be strong for her, but she knew he was hurt too. She felt guilty for being wrapped in her own pain, barely noticing his. Weeks later, she felt everything. Angry, restless, jealous, numbness, it made the Nights long and empty as she sat on the couch, thoughts were spinning. The only thing she wanted was to try again.
Eventually, they went back to treatment with a new doctor. Everything felt normal; she felt Warmth, Understanding, and she was hopeful. They tried IUI. Although the First cycle failed, she tested early for the Second cycle, and there it was a Faint second line. The next morning, it got darker. They were expecting a baby. Early scans came often. Six weeks, seven, eight, nine, ten. Each heartbeat was stronger than the last. Later, they learned it was a boy. He was Healthy and due on Thanksgiving Day.The journey was long, painful, tiring, with long, angry days, and some days were hopeful. There was a point when they were lost, but they didn’t give up and kept moving. Together.At twenty-seven weeks, she felt it. The little boy waiting at the end, they named himMichael. Finally, they had their baby in their arms.
