On October 18, 2018, I found myself in a courtroom staring at the person I once thought would keep me safe the person who turned into my biggest fear. On that day, his lawyer declared that the attack was thoughtful that he intended to influence me for “my future boyfriend.” And he followed through with it.
On October 21, 2017, after I tell them that I was not interested in reuion, he lost it. What ensued was a mist of fear. I shouted as he grabbed my face, tearing away a large part of my lip. Blood flowed. I was to leave my own car. He escaped. I was left broken, inside and out.
I can still recall the fear in the eyes of the man who assisted in rescuing me, the feeling older woman who remained by my side, the officers who summoned aid, and the ambulance journey I hoped would be my final one. I recall waking up and the nurse teasing that I could be myself for Halloween my life had altered permanently.
I lost my university scholarships, my self-esteem, and almost my desire to continue living. I was unable to eat properly, drive, or even sleep without having nightmares. At 17, I had developed feelings for an older person my initial romance. I overlooked the warning signs, as things were fantastic when they were positive. However, during bad times, he transformed into a monster.
For months, I blamed myself at the time, but now I know I was not at fault. I did not return. I held my position. And that is what caused his reaction.
Due to him, we sold our house. I wasted time, chances, and serenity. I receive harassing phone calls whenever his ankle monitor loses signal at night. The anxiety remains genuine.
However, I will not conceal myself. He took enough. I opt to exist. I decided to talk.
This is my reality.
