As a single, first-time mom, my world revolved around my baby boy, Landry. I wasn’t interested in dating, my focus was entirely on him. But my friend Allison, who’s also Landry’s aunt, didn’t stop trying to set me up. I always said, “I’m not ready,” until she mentioned Andrew.
He was going through a divorce and had five kids. Most people would see that as a red flag, but something told me not to write him off. I connected with him on Facebook, and by that night, he had sent me a message. We joked about sports teams, we were rivals but something just clicked. We talked for hours. It felt effortless.
After a week of texting and calls, we met in person. When my sitter canceled, Andrew said, “Bring Landry along!” That won me over. We met up at Dick’s Sporting Goods and later shared lunch at Noodles & Company. It was simple, but perfect. After he messaged me, “You’re all that and a bag of chips,” I realized there was something special about him.
Blending a Family
A few weeks later, I met his two daughters, Emma and TinLeigh, at a county fair. Then I met his three boys Liam, Rylan, and Maddox. Everything felt natural. After five months of long-distance dating, Landry and I moved in. That’s when the real work began.
Andrew coaches basketball, so I was home alone with the kids often. My role changed from the fun-loving type to the rule-setter. That didn’t go over well, especially with Liam, who once told me, “I hate Bre.” Those words cut deep. I wasn’t sure if I was making the right decision or if I was even capable of handling it.
But we didn’t give up. Andrew and I sat the kids down and explained our expectations. Slowly, they began to trust me. Once they knew I wasn’t going anywhere, everything changed.
After 10 months, Andrew proposed, in my parents’ camper. He made sure all the kids were on board before he asked. We married in March 2021, just shy of knowing each other for two years.
Being a bonus mom isn’t easy. Hearing “You’re not my mom” stung in the beginning. But I stayed consistent, showed love, and earned their trust. I’ve learned that your role isn’t to replace anyone, it’s to love and support the children who didn’t get to choose the situation they’re in.
It took time, but I built a respectful relationship with their mom. We don’t always agree, but we keep things civil for the kids. As a bio mom, I’ve done the same with my son’s stepmom. Our kids deserve peace between their parents and bonus parents.
Today, the kids see me as a real part of their lives. They know I love them like my own, and I always will. It’s challenging being a stepmom, yet it’s also been one of the most fulfilling parts of my life.
