Foster care become a real part of my life five months ago but honestly, but it’s been part of me for a long time.
As a little girl, I often sensed something different like I was meant for something more. However but that feeling came with a lot of confusion and self-doubt. I found it challenging to belong, particularly after being diagnosed with a learning disability at age 8. During high school, I felt embarrassed and bad and tried to conceal my special education classes. One day, a boy laughed at me for being in that class, and I broke down in the restroom. I felt sad and angry, wondering why this always happened with me.
Trying to escape my feelings, I turned to alcohol for comfort. I began to drink excessively in high school and also continue my habit in college. It turned into a means to conceal my suffering and sense of belonging. However, with time, I understood that I was merely aggravating the situation. A friend once said to me, your past never defines you, its all what you do with this matter only. That altered everything. I choose healing and help others. This led to my placement in foster care.
When I was 25, I was in relation that wasn’t right. I felt a calling to foster, but my partner was not on board. After our disagreement, I realized it was time to let go. At 26, I became a certified foster mother. For several months, I awaited a placement and felt bad. Then one day, I got a call for two boys, only 1 year old. Initially, I declined. I wasn’t prepared. Because I had only one crib and one car seat.
Once again, i felt that soft push from god. So, I said yes.
Following that, all I required aligned perfectly. Friends and family step in and gave me what I didn’t have. That scared and unsure 16 year old teen girl had come full circle. My weakness had become my strength.
My foster sons don’t look like me, but that’s irrelevant. What I observe in them is the unfolding of God’s plan. Even my parents, who previously questioned my choice, grew to care for these boys profoundly. My mom wrote a note, thankful for it, even if it wasn’t she imagine.
If I could talk to my 16 years old self, I’d say that that feeling was all right along it led to the most beautiful mess of my life.
