Thousands of thoughts trigger your confidence and make you feel worthy of love. As humans, we see the world through the eyes of kindness and love. However, why do we get so harsh when it’s about ourselves? Alexandria, too, has been a victim of anxiety and depression for as long as she can remember, and because of that, she feels unlovable. They do not seem to go away or get better with time. Rather than acknowledging that this is just another part of her, and she isn’t alone in all this, Alexandria has embedded the thoughts that these illnesses work as a warning sign, one that doesn’t let people get close enough to love her.
Most of them do not work out for long, whether it is about her love life or her relationships with family and friends. Whenever she tells how she has been dating, at first, she gets support and words of affirmation, but with time, everything keeps fading away—the love, the comfort, and soon, the person is waiting for the exit door to open. Not just this, but the worst part is how, at first, all of them seem to understand her feelings, but they end up passing harsh comments and painful words.
Every time she fell in love, there were a few fixed phrases she ended up hearing before things ended. They kept telling her how she always lets her issues consume her, knowing about her anxiousness, and often lectured her about how she needs to handle things differently in life. It was clear how most of them had never been in a state where even a minute mental illness had been triggered.
So, rather than falling in love and looking for someone who could ‘fix’things, Alexandria decided to take therapy sessions, medications, and keep herself busy at whatever chores and work she had; it was something she had been doing to survive for years. Love exists in a thousand different forms; however, she couldn’t find it anywhere when she needed it the most, against her battle with anxiety and depression.
All she needed was a gentle hug and the presence of someone who could motivate and remind her of how much strength she holds on days she can’t get out of bed. She wanted someone to caress her hair and hold her hand when the anxiety attacks don’t let her breathe. She wanted someone to look at her bright side, listen, and acknowledge what she had been feeling for so many years. Was it too much to ask for? She knows how loving her can be complex and unpredictable, as sometimes, she needs moments of isolation and to disconnect from the world. Loving someone means loving their dark side, the fears, and their struggles too, but no one seemed to be ready for it, making her feel unlovable for most of her life.
However, things changed when she realized that the love she gives back is way more pure and deep, something that not everyone deserves. She knows that despite struggling, she will always be there for her partner to listen and make him feel better. It was never one way, as her empathy and care are what complete her. The inability of people to see good in her does not make her less or unlovable. While a few of them did not understand her, she pushed away others, fearing abandonment and being left alone with yet another battle to fight.
Alexandria wakes up daily and knows she has to do better than yesterday. Not only this, but after realising how deserving she is of love, she waits for the right one to arrive. This reminds you that you are not alone in your struggles and worries. Nothing makes you unlovable!
