I became a foster mom simply because we loved it and felt called to do it and it has brought us the most unexpected, beautiful stories.
On the way home, she was too tired to walk and asked to be carried. It was a long way to carry a 3-and-a-half-year-old but of course, I agreed. The next day, she left, and my arms were so sore from having carried her, but over the next few days, the soreness faded until it was completely gone.
I knew it wasn’t rational, but I didn’t want that pain to be gone because then it felt like she was really gone too. If my arms could heal that quickly, how long until my heart would follow suit? How long until this girl would forget me completely?
But as it turns out, the heart doesn’t heal as quickly, and I still think of her every day.
Next, we had three other short-term placements, a baby boy for 2 days, a baby girl for a week, and another baby boy for 2 weeks. The length of time doesn’t matter. My foster children will always hold a place in my heart, their presence lingering in memories, laughter and photos through my home.
The next little guy came to us with a warning. ‘He’s a crier,’ his social worker cautioned before making a quick getaway. And he was. He also had an ear infection, and we spent our second and third nights with him in the emergency room. It wasn’t until the fourth day he cracked the tiniest smile, one that brought me to tears, and at least a week until we heard his belly laugh, a sound that remains one of my Favorites.
I never knew how long he would be with us, the little information I was given indicated he would be going home ‘soon.’ The word soon is relative in foster care as I learned and for 7 months, we lived each day not knowing if it could be his last with us. On the day before Thanksgiving, we finally found ourselves preparing for a life without our son. Not knowing if I would ever see him again, I wrote a note to his mom:
I’m forever grateful you took such good care of him while he was in foster care.
That was over a year ago and I am so proud to say we still see this little boy often. Our ongoing relationship with his biological family is complicated and challenging but it’s also beautiful and worth it. This little boy is so, so loved.
After he left, my husband and I decided to take a few months off from fostering, which turned into a few more months when COVID-19 hit. We received a call in June 2020 about a 10-month-old baby girl and we felt ready. Parenting felt familiar, and we soon settled into a routine of diapers, bottles and visits from school workers.
This bald angel adjusted to us very quickly. She ate and slept well, she was happy and healthy. Life was good. So good in fact, when we found out she had a 4-year-old sister in another foster home, we felt ready to finally take on a second child, something we hadn’t done before. Despite social workers’ frequent requests for us to take on multiple children, we had declined in the past.
The siblings had lived apart for almost a year, and it was important to us that they be reunited in our home. The older sister was sweet and polite and funny but could also be violent and destructive. This tiny, beautiful 4-year-old girl can at times, make us feel like hostages in our own home.
We have sticker charts, calm down strategies, engage in therapy, label our feelings. All the things. Sometimes we see great progress and she is the sweetest girl in the entire world and other times, she purposely pees on our couch, spits on us, and effectively destroys our home, but we love her. She is our family, and it is very hard to picture our lives without her.
During all this, we are told the girls will be going home ‘soon,’ a word that has lost all meaning at this point. Originally, I scoffed at the notion their mother could handle them when we barely could. But, after 7 months, we are only just now starting to get to know their mom, a process that has greatly humanized her to me. I feel a level of appreciation from her I have never felt from the Department. Foster care brings both joy and heartache, as children come and go, but love and attachment make it worthwhile. Experiencing sadness is inevitable, yet enduring it teaches unconditional love and resilience.
