As a new mom in 2018, I struggled with breastfeeding, postpartum depression, and exhaustion while learning to care for my daughter.
A typical day meant waking up at 5 a.m. to pump and prep bottles. I would clean everything and pack up my pumping stuff for a day of work. I would feed my daughter before I left my house at 7 a.m. and hope I could last until my first prep period at 10 a.m. to pump, often feeling like I was about to explode. I then pumped at lunch and at the beginning, I also had to pump in the afternoon.
I would usually pump on my drive home and then feed my daughter if my mom (her caretaker) could hold her off. I then would put her to bed, pump again and clean, and prep everything for the next day. Sometimes she would sleep through the night, but often I was up two or three times with a baby. I would also be up late, grading and prepping work for school. I was exhausted and this was pretty much my schedule for a year.
I was able to maintain a good stash and provide my daughter with enough milk in my absence. There is no way I would have succeeded without the support of those around me. My coworkers who understood when I left meetings early or showed up late. My students who knew every day at 2 p.m. I stepped out of class for a bit. My husband who took over the duties of washing and sanitizing pump parts when I was too exhausted. My mother who comforted a screaming baby because I was almost home and wanted to feed her, so I did not have to pump again! It truly took a village, and I am so thankful for mine. Breastfeeding and pumping can be tricky. It is a supply and demand process, and if you miss feedings or do not pump, you can get into some trouble. If you do not have people around you who understand, it can be very difficult.
Toward the end of her first year was the first time I donated milk. A mom on Facebook who I knew was asking if anyone knew anyone who could spare some milk for her child who was having a hard time with formula. I went down to my freezer, did some quick math, and felt comfortable unloading about 250 ounces.
I certainly never went into my breastfeeding journey thinking I would have enough milk to donate, but here I was. Producing enough for my own child and able to give to another child. I gave birth to my son in November of 2020. I was much more confident at getting him to latch and feed properly. I did forget about the pain at the beginning. It is so painful when you start breastfeeding and even after breastfeeding my daughter for so long, I forgot how hard it is, how frequent it is, and how so much falls on the mom.
I wanted to quit. I realized why so many moms, especially new moms, do quit. I remembered the pain being temporary and the feedings would space out. But at first, it so hard and breastfeeding moms need a lot of support. I started pumping right away and I was shocked at how much milk I was pumping. I was getting 10-15 ounces per pump sometimes.
When I first started pumping with my daughter, it would take 20 minutes to get just an ounce. I was exclusively breastfeeding, so anything I pumped was going right to the freezer, and I was stashing away a lot. Because of the pandemic, I was very unsure of what my return to work would be like, but as my maternity leave was nearing an end, it was clear I would still be teaching from home for the time being. This meant I would be able to work out a schedule with my mom, so instead of breaks with my pump I could feed my baby, and it also meant my huge freezer stash wasn’t essential at this time.
I thought about how we were running out of freezer space and was about to start looking into donating again. That is when my cousin reached out. Her friend was in need of breast milk for her son. She was not producing enough, and he was having a hard time on formula. I was able to give her 500 ounces of stashed milk. I did not go into my second breastfeeding journey thinking about being a milk donor.
I went in hoping to produce enough, hoping my child could get a good latch, and hoping he would gain. Pumping and freezing milk helped me feel comfortable with a stash and helped me build up my supply, but again, I never thought that milk would be for anyone else. When I posted a picture of our milk donation to social media, I was hesitant. I did not want to post anything triggering, and seeing a picture of ounces and ounces of milk could be upsetting for a breastfeeding mama struggling with supply. I was that mama.
With my daughter, I always wondered how to produce more like some of these super pumpers. I posted and deleted the picture many times. Finally, I posted it and let it be. I’m grateful to donate my breast milk, support other moms, and help babies thrive while navigating the challenges of feeding my own.
