At my 20-week ultrasound everything looked normal except a small spot on my baby heart called an EIF. Although its usually harmless doctors ordered a blood test to check for possible genetic issues.
I still remember the day like it was yesterday when we got the results. I was at work when my midwife called me to let me know they had received them. I remember answering the phone and I already knew what she was going to tell me. ‘Your baby is high risk for Trisomy 21. In other words, there is a 98% chance your baby has Down syndrome.’ I said, ‘What? Are you sure you called the right person? My baby?? There is no way. This has to be some sort of a mistake. Did they get my blood mixed up with someone else?’
Let’s get real and raw here for a minute. When we first found out, we had feelings and thoughts cross our mind that are hard to admit. We were angry. We were scared. We tried to talk ourselves into believing the test was wrong. We talked about adoption. (I seriously have cried and been so ashamed of myself for even thinking this, now she is here.) We felt like our world had been turned upside down. Talking to other moms who have kids with special needs helped me realize the thoughts and feelings we had were totally normal, and we were most definitely not alone.
They also had similar thoughts and feelings when receiving such life-changing news. We are real people with real and raw emotions. It made me realize 1) having those thoughts and feelings does not make you a bad person, and 2) there is a grieving process you have to go through. When you get pregnant, you have these expectations of having a perfectly healthy baby, and when you are told your baby isn’t what you expected, it makes you sad and it hits you like a ton of bricks. It is so important to allow yourself to grieve the child you thought you were having. Just make sure you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and remember God is in control.
For months I worried and prayed afraid my baby might have down syndrome and unsure if I strong enough. Before she was born I found peace and knew she was meant to be ours and we were chosen to be her parents.
I had a very unexplainable sensation come over me, and the thought crossed my mind, ‘What if I have a child with Down syndrome?’ I didn’t think anything of it until now. Dalton had mentioned just the other night it had crossed his mind several times growing up he would have a kid with special needs. These small, simple things and thoughts are reminders to pay attention. God really is in every single detail of our lives.
We were really open with our friends and family, and even strangers, about the possibility she had Down syndrome. I found comfort in telling people what was going on, instead of trying to comprehend it all on my own. Some people, even medical professionals, had very negative things to say to us. I had one woman tell me, ‘Well, hopefully, it’s just a fluke.’ Another one said, ‘What a bummer.’ I have learned there is a very negative stigma around the words ‘Down syndrome.’ The one thing which bothered me the absolute worst is when I would share the news with someone, and they would say, ‘Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.’
I understand people do not know what to say but take it from me from experience, if you ever come across someone in shoes similar to ours, please, please, remind them how lucky they are. Remind them they were cut out for this. Remind them that not everyone on earth gets the opportunity to have a small piece of heaven in their home. It was those people who helped me and comforted me the most. It was those people who helped me realize my world was not turned upside down, but in fact, it had just been turned right side up. It was those people who reminded me who I was and God would be with me every step of the way.
November 14, 2020. Echo’s birthday. Every fear I had of the unknown was immediately washed away when they laid her on my chest. The joy I feel in the depths of my soul when I look into her eyes is unlike any other. She is different, she is unique, and she is beautiful all in her own way. There will only ever be one Echo.
She has changed our lives for the better and already made us better people in ways we never would have had the opportunity to grow if we didn’t have her. The road ahead of us is long, but we are ready for this journey. I am so glad she chose us and God trusts us with her. He designed her perfectly and she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I can’t wait to watch her leave her ‘Echo’ in this world. We feel like the luckiest mom and dad ever.
Parents of children with special needs are chosen because they are strong and capable. this journey brings purpose love and a new way of seeing the world.
