Kiara, a biracial girl with beautiful curly hair, faced constant teasing about her hair and skin from a young age, and despite her mother’s efforts to teach self-love, the bullying continued through early school years.
The first day of second grade was when I found out those same two boys were in her new classroom. I refused to put her in the class. It was a new principal, and she said because it was a new school year and there hadn’t been any problems she would need to start out in that class. I literally live with regret I didn’t pull her out of school that day. Again, we didn’t have an option of what to do at the time because the school district made it hard.
That next week of school, Kiara came home with a Band-Aid on her shoulder. I asked her why and she was afraid to tell me. I took it off, and there was a deep little hole with a large scratch. I asked her to tell me what happened, and she broke down crying, saying one of those two boys got mad at her and sharpened his pencils and stabbed it into her arm and dragged it down.
She was only 6, so exaggeration wasn’t out of the question. I wanted to make certain, so I called her teacher who confirmed it did happen and didn’t think it was a big enough deal to call me.
I drove straight to the school, and boy was I fuming… I demanded to speak to the principal who didn’t even want to see me. Honestly, I’m shocked the cops didn’t get called on me at that moment because I was loud and angry, and I wasn’t going to leave until they gave me an answer.
Her teacher dismissed abuse as “he likes you,” so I filed a police report, fought for her safety, and she had to give up being Elsa at school.
A couple hours later, she opened and asked me, ‘Is it okay for Black girls to be Elsa for Halloween?’ I immediately knew what this was linked to, and I said, ‘Of course they are! Anyone can be Elsa! Even a boy!’ She began to cry and told me the boy told her Black girls can’t be Elsa and if she wanted to be Elsa, she should wash her dirty skin. He told her she should be poop because she’s the same colour.
I was so angry. It was too late in the evening to do anything, but the next morning, I let the principal have it. I went to the school board again, who said they would take care of it. They didn’t tolerate bullying. But I knew it was a lie.
Her school ignored the bullying and panic attacks she suffered, so I pulled her out to homeschool, regretting not doing it sooner.
Kiara loved to eat. Food was her Favorite! She loved everything and was far from a picky eater! During the first few months of second grade, I started noticing her food habits were changing. Her Favorite meal was spaghetti, and she was turning it away. I knew something wasn’t right, so I was watching her like a hawk with everything else going on. One evening during dinner, she kept getting up and going to the bathroom. She said she had to pee a lot. I knew something wasn’t right, so I followed her on the last time. She was spitting each bite of food out into the toilet.
It was spaghetti night. I dropped to my knees, sobbing, and asked her what she was doing. She started crying too, saying she wasn’t hungry. I knew it was more than that. I called her primary doctor the next morning and she was seen the following day. She had a wellness check in the summer, and from August until that December morning, she had lost 11 pounds. On an already-skinny child, this was alarming. Blood work was done, and everything else to rule out of there wasn’t a more serious underlying condition. Fortunately, those were all ruled out.
Her doctor was certain it was anorexia. We were referred to a specialist, who confirmed she was anorexic. I will never forget that day. Kiara was the specialist’s youngest patient, and she had been practicing for over 30 years. It was devastating. After her diagnosis, all hands were on deck with my family and Kiara. We needed to make sure we provided a good environment to help her recover. With the specialist and her primary doctor, she would go in each week for a weight check.
She would also visit with the specialist each week and a therapist. Over this time, the specialist and therapist said because she couldn’t control the colour of her skin or how curly her hair was, she could control what she ate. It gave her power to be able to control something in her little life. Hearing this was heartbreaking beyond belief. I felt like a failure as a mother for not protecting her. Every moment of being stopped in public letting strangers compliment her. I was just filled with so much regret on what I could have done better as her mother.
After severe bullying and an eating disorder, Kiara regained her health, confidence, and pride in her identity, learning to love her natural hair, skin, and self.
