While you can’t think of spending a day without the love of your life, imagine how much of a torment it would be to wake up every day without their presence. Realising that the reason behind your laughter, which kept you at peace, is no longer around, every moment of the day is tough. E. Christiansen wrote down how the world is now harsher and life has been so challenged after a year had passed since her husband’s passing away.
A year without him, being a widow, was something she never wanted to experience in her life. Despite having good and bad days like every other couple, the love between the couple was immeasurable. She recalls she was so fond of receiving love from her husband, seeing the smile lines, and adoring them every time she laughed and saw his presence; life would have been incomplete without it all. E. Christiansen agreed that it was the most challenging year of her entire life, and it was fair to say that this too was an understatement, as the pain and grief do not seem to fade away with the passing time, as everyone says.
On some days, she did not know if she would have the courage to make it through the next one; however, she kept herself together for the family. E. Christeinsen was so fond of her husband that she feels like she has not learned to live without him after all these years. She now won’t say she is living her life but surviving, which is enough for her. What is even living without love, and with all this constant pain
She still recalls being in a state of denial, as not even decades of preparation would be able to prepare her for the loss. For more than two decades, the couple often joked around and teased each other about life being tough without each other, and the statements turned to reality when her husband lost his battle to cancer.
She was sure that, with all the care and love, she would be able to save herself, but sometimes, humans are left powerless and have the ability to do nothing but pray. How the heart refuses to accept the permanent distance, although the mind keeps reminding you of the loss, is the most brutal battle any human could go through.
Despite being in so much pain internally, she admits that pretending was not a big deal for her in those days. She wanted to be praised for the strong woman that she was. She thought that pretending like the husband was away for a few days would make the days go by faster, but the wait never ends! Her eyes still search for him in the places they previously made memories, and she still stops by the shop, recalling all the moments.
With the loss, she learnt so much about life and people she thought would stick beside her no matter what happens. One after another, she saw them all leave quietly, leaving her alone in utter silence. She kept herself at peace by thinking that the pain she went through might be scary to them; however, there were a few angels who voluntarily checked up and took care of her, the real ones! She was glad to be surrounded and loved by her family, a few casual friends that held a much more important place in her life now, and her husband’s companions.
The loss affected her emotionally and the practicality of life. With her best companion, her partner, things seemed to go smoothly. When she hired someone, he took advantage and left things incomplete. She realized how her husband made her believe she could do and fix things herself.
One thing that kept her standing firm and strong was the strength her children showed. While Ann, their daughter, was doing a great job at work, Matthew also thrived as a pilot and managed everything from the family land to the car maintenance. He grew up too quickly in this one year. She knew his father would be so proud of his little ones.
With every milestone achieved and every special day, the family recalls him, and it is still as heartbreaking as it was a year ago. They all wish for a few more cherished memories and one last hug! The time spent together could never be enough.
