it’s hard to believe how close I came to losing everything but I am grateful for my second chance now I am dedicated to sharing my story and helping others so my life remains worth saving
I grew up in such a great home. I come from generations of alcoholics and addicts. My parents decided they wanted something different, so they raised us in church. I was very sheltered, and they kept me away from the influences of drugs and alcohol as much as they could. I didn’t drink alcohol for the first time until I was 17 years old. Because of the way I was brought up, I was a little afraid of alcohol, but I was terrified of drugs, so I just dabbled with alcohol at first. I stayed completely away from drugs for many years.
I went from drinking bring drinking to a chaotic life never realizing the problem was me
I thought I had crappy luck. In my 30’s, I decided to go back to college and make something of myself. I was a single mom of two kids. I was bartending and making great money. We had an apartment. My kids’ needs were taken care of… It was sweet. I found myself working three jobs, and in school pursuing a nursing degree. I felt on top of the world. I was in a relationship at this point in my life that was extremely toxic and abusive. My boyfriend at the time gifted me with a bag of cocaine at a holiday party. I could’ve said no, but I didn’t. That started the last and worst spiral of them all.
for three years i drank so heavily i lost jobs i failed out of school and hid it all behind partying and free. Basically a loaded gun in the hands of an alcoholic and addict. i kept chasing bigger risk mixing drugs recklessly and not caring if lived
This whole time, I had a nanny for my kids who would babysit at her home or mine, whenever I needed. I would leave my kids with her so I could go party – sometimes for days at a time. I would lie and promise I would be back that night or the next morning, and I never showed up when I said I would. My kids spent those 3 years never knowing if I was coming home or when I would show up. I didn’t make it to almost any of their school events. The nanny would always go in my place. The one or two things I showed up for at school I was either drunk or high for. My life was a complete and utter train wreck.
I tired countless time to quit but pain kept pulling me back until a family tragedy made e realize I couldn’t support anyone when i didn’t even love myself
how could i offer my brother love and support when my house was filled with drugs alcohol and chaos? I didn’t even remember to call him on his birthday because I was so messed up. So, in my mind at that juncture in life, I thought I would get sober for my brother. I thought I would take a break from drugs and alcohol so I could get my life together, and he and I could get to a better place together.
Somehow, I had managed to put together about 30 days of sobriety… I didn’t leave my house because I was terrified if I did, I would stop at the liquor store. I would drive past one of my Favorite bars, and see my friends’ cars there, and I would stop. I was afraid to answer my phone because I knew my friends were calling to ask me to go day drinking with them. So, for 30 days, I held on with white knuckles doing anything and everything I could to not drink or use. It is just the grace of God, and simply a miracle, I managed to do that.
around 30 days sober overwhelmed by pain and withdrawal i broke down and begged god to help me going begged him to show me how to prolong it because even though it was painful. For the first time in years, going those 30 days without drinking or drugs gave me hope.
i finally realized i didn’t have to keep living that way and a meeting helped me see i was an alcoholic and that others had found real solutions
In sobriety, I have been able to rebuild the damaged relationships with my children… Which has been the biggest miracle of all the things sobriety has done for me. For 3 and a half years, I have been fully present with my children. I have been the one to tuck them into bed every night, the one to wake them up in the mornings for school I haven’t missed one school activity in the last 3 and a half years. My children trust me again. They know if I say I’m going to do something or I’m going to be somewhere, I’m telling the truth. I’ve been to therapy, my kids have been in therapy, we’ve done family
i didn’t get sober through religion at first i just knew id die if i didn’t stop sobriety quieted my mind and eventually i felt gods love meet me where i was helping me rebuild my life
I was terrified to build a life without alcohol because, honestly, I didn’t even think I knew who I was without it. I quickly discovered, quitting drinking was not a sacrifice. It was an opportunity. Taking alcohol off the table opened doors for me that I would have only ever dreamed about otherwise. Choosing not to drink is the most powerful, impactful, selfless thing I’ve ever done.
alcohol and drugs no longer define me i’ve build a real life with purpose gratitude and faith
