When we are young, dating each other and believing we know all, we look for certain qualities in a partner. We want someone we feel physically or romantically attracted to. We seek someone who has a great sense of humor, aligns with our interests, has a good job, or believes in the things that we do.
Young adults in their twenties don’t consider what the next 15 years will bring. They don’t think about babies facing a life change in middle age or having no moment to think, sit, or unwind.
I can’t help but laugh softly at what makes a great husband for me now, following three kids, a property loan, and endless fun. None of these ‘traits’ would appear on a dating profile. However, they will be significant in time. Believe me. This is a combination of love, attraction, and dedication in one.
A guy who fills my gas tank without informing me, so when I turn on my car, it’s already full. That truly is the path to my heart. I’m not talking about the cost; I mean actually going to the gas station and filling up my car. A partner who changes diapers applies cream for rashes, gives baths, dresses a squirming baby in pajamas, handles nighttime feedings, kisses injuries, and clears away boogers.
A partner who makes my coffee with love. Someone who brings me joy and who playfully pokes even when I seem annoyed. A companion who examines your episiotomy cut, sore nipples, ingrown hairs, and hemorrhoids. Because no friend is going to want to see that.
A guy who consistently brings me a glass of water, soda, wine, or any refill I need. And he constantly adds ice to my beverage. To me, that is the most delightful thing.
A friend set up a large movie screen for neighborhood kids to make that moment joyful. A person who adjusts our autistic son’s underwear waistband, beams at his trains, even after the umpteenth time, crushes medications, asks for a verbal request for snacks, participates in every IEP meeting, makes calls, finishes evaluations, and never loses faith—a partner who teaches hockey and baseball and who is present at every single practice.
A man who remembers to take a handful of Kleenex before visiting the vet to bid farewell to our first baby. And not for himself, but for me. A partner who sends you a Snapchat of poop on your wall with the caption Fetch the cleaner; your kid finally left. Yay, I answered that Snapchat is for someone who understands how vital a good nap is
A person who shares the standing by yourself, suffering from self-injury, the shouting, the sleepless nights, the breakdowns, the tough days that stretch into tough months and ultimately years, and remains steadfast. Who gazes at eternity without fleeing. “I would love to view the Tinder profile, which includes everything mentioned.”
