They met with a combination of online networking and shared friends. He liked to say he was stalked on Instagram, and she never actually denied it; she just liked what she saw. They met up in the summer of 2012, and he drove forty-five minutes to meet up with her to go to the movies on their first date.
They drove to see an R-rated movie, and she didn’t have any ID, so they couldn’t go in to see it. They watched a movie instead that neither of them was actually interested in, and they sat alone in a theater with no one else around them. It was just incredibly awkward. They sat there in complete silence, both of them clearly nervous, her speaking only occasionally as he made an effort to fill the space. Yet he remained. And it was then that she made the choice to give him a second shot based on how well he handled the first date.
At that point on, they were never apart. They were so easy together. They were never really fighting. They were so carefree about sex. They thought they had found the real deal. But soon into their romance, she got accepted into a master’s program out of state at one of the colleges she had applied to. But with no hesitation, she chose love. She thought she had found “the one,” and it was only natural. Their friends were jealous of them. They were the perfect duo. They were the country version of Barbie and Ken. They had never been so whole.
Everything changed in 2016 when her birth control failed, and she ended up pregnant with their daughter. She was overcome with fear. She cried, thinking they weren’t prepared, either mentally or financially. But he was ecstatic. During her pregnancy, he was there consistently, reminding her they would be fine. His support strengthened her love for him. Later, he proposed to her with her great-great-grandmother’s ring, and they chose a date for their wedding.
“Their daughter was born in January of 2017, a small, beautiful baby who effortlessly integrated herself into their lives. She slept soundly, cried less, and brought joy back into their home. For a while, life was smooth sailing. However, when she became pregnant with her second child, she was forced to confront reality. She was pursuing a toddler, working part-time, running a household, and pregnant with a new baby. Eventually, a decision was made for her to stay home.”
They welcomed their son in July 2018, and at last they had a whole family. But they did not count on the exhaustion that came along with raising two young kids. Days seemed to merge into one as she nursed the kids, cleaned, walked the dogs, cooked, and noise noise noise. Sometimes she forgot to eat, and she could shower only when she had time.
The struggle manifested in her relationships, particularly her marriage. Disputes emerged about sex, about spending quality time together, about emotional closeness. He longed for her as she once was, as the girl with vitality, with sex, with freedom. She longed for herself, for what she once was and what she could be once more. When he was with her, her thoughts swirled with matters of their children, of their home, of her endless lists of responsibilities. By night’s end, she had no more to give.
She loved her husband deeply and was glad to see him come in every evening, yet she withdrew from him, lest she disappoint him. Her existence revolved entirely around her children, and her needs were pushed to the bottom of the bag. She wished she could reassure him that things would go back to the way they were, but she couldn’t. Getting married and having children was supposed to change her in that way. His girl was still there, just different because of sleepless nights, sacrifice, and unwavering love. However, at this point in her life, this was the tired, overwhelmed, and committed-to-raising-her-own-family wife he was going to have to deal with.
