Dear Past Me,
I know right now you are struggling, overcome by ambiguity, and wondering if life will ever go as planned. You dream of a simple, beautiful life: marriage, children, a family of your own. And while the road will be far from easy, i am writing to tell you: everything will be okay. Actually, it will be more than okay.
You and Michael found each other young, and you both knew from the start that family was everything. After marrying right after college, you were excited to begin your journey toward parentage. But when the pregnancy tests kept coming back negative, hope started to fade. Doctor visits controlled to richness treatments, but still nothing. You were told to “be patient” because of your age, but the waiting wore down your spirit. You felt broken, though you did everything right. You and Michael took foster classes, hoping kids would enjoy their life there.
Your first placement came just after blessing in 2016 an 8-month-old baby boy named Chase. You had only two hours to prepare. Most parents get nine months to get ready; you had less than an afternoon. He was with you for just a couple of of days before being returned to his biological mother, and you were crumpled. But soon after, another baby named Dylan came into your lives. And then, suddenly, Chase came back. Just like that, you went from no children to two.
Life as foster parents was disordered. Activities, court dates, supervised visits were nonstop. You were constantly warned not to “get too attached,” but how could you not? These boys were your world. Meanwhile, you continued your own fertility journey, finally turning to IVF. It was classy and scary, but your wish to carry a child gave you the strength to keep going.
After your first basic transfer failed, you felt defeated. But you tried again. And just as adoption plans for Chase and Dylan were done, something implausible happened: you got pregnant. Not with one baby. Not two. But three. Triplets. You were shocked and thrilled. You worried through every appointment, especially after a scare on Dylan’s first birthday. But in 2018, you gave birth to three healthy baby girls.
That year, your dreams came true. You adopted two beautiful boys and gave birth to three baby girls. In just two years, you became a mother of five.
Looking back now, I see how every heartbreak, delay, and diversion had a purpose. You will grow from it. And one day, you will sit in a home full of happiness, toys, and confusion, and realize it was all worth it. With love,
Your Future Self
