It was Laura Mazza’s “True Story Tuesday.” and this time, she got the most modified story, a gross one . Laura had been on the pill for a while, but shes not the most consistent when it comes to taking her it, she sometimes forgets. And if not this case she forgot the time. She often joked that she was practically inviting pregnancy at this point. This resulted in her body rebelling.
It was as if, Laura thought, her ovaries were waiting for her to forget one single tablet the moment she did, they would throw a celebration, raining down chaos on her uterus. And out of nowhere, her period would arrive sometimes even three times in one month. That particular Tuesday, Laura was heading to the shopping center to take her son, Luca, to the doctor for a cough. Everything was normal until she felt that sensation, the flow. It was her period. Panic hit her instantly and the cherry on top was that she was wearing light-colored pants. She was thinking about worse scenario.
Without hesitation, she rushed into Aldi, trying to act normal regardless of the situation. She grabbed a pack that she thought was pads, and continued her chaotic dash. But as any Aldi shopper knows, it’s impossible to leave with just what you came for. Somehow, by the time she reached the checkout, she had pads, bananas, maybe even a bathtub, and a jackhammer, typical Aldi routine.
After paying, she ran toward the restroom checking her random haul while her son was amused, banged on the walls and poked through the shopping bags. Laura ripped open the package, only to discover Those were not pads but Tampons. Her stomach dropped. She hated tampons specifically after she read about Toxic Shock Syndrome years ago; she had imagined horrific scenarios involving electric shocks and instant death. She had tried them once before and hated the feeling. But now, she had no option she had to use them. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As she fumbled with the box and tampons were everywhere. Luca, curious as always, pointed and asked, What’s that, Mommy? In hesitation Laura froze telling him they are tampon. Luca got confused to drive his attention she told him they were baby mice without giving it a second thought what she was saying. Luca’s face lit up. “Awww, cute!”, scooping a few into his little hands while Laura tried to control her laughter and unwillingly insert one. Somehow, she managed, and they both went to the doctor’s office thinking the disaster was over.
During the appointment, the doctor examined Luca while Laura sat beside him, and he finally began to relax. Luca, being the charmer, made the doctor laugh with his silly comments. Everything was going smoothly until he decided to share his version of Aldi rush. Looking the doctor dead in the eye Luca told excitedly, “My mommy puts baby mouse in her bum bum.” The doctor,clearly unsure what she heard, blinked. “Pardon?” “My mommy puts mice in her bum bum!” he repeated proudly.
Laura’s face turned crimson. She burst out laughing, half from mortification and half from disbelief. She could barely talk from laughing so hard, but somehow got the words out to explain that it was just a tampon, not an actual mouse. Thankfully, the doctor laughed too, and the tension eased. “Imagine if he told that to someone else!” Laura joked. “At least you’re a woman, you get it.” The appointment ended with the usual “just viral” diagnosis. But the humiliation wasn’t over yet.
As they stepped into the waiting room, little Luca, full of energy and excitement, decided to tell everyone he shounted “My mommy got a baby mouse stuck in her bum bum!” in a packed room of patients. Every head turned. Laura wanted the floor to open and swallow her,she was flaming with embarrassment. She grabbed Luca’s hand and hurried out. She was sure everyone in that waiting room believed that was the reason why she had gone to the doctor.
That was parenting, she thought, chaotic, mortifying, hilarious, and unforgettable. Later, when she told the story online, Laura laughed until she cried. Because this was motherhood in all its messy glory, unfiltered, unpredictable, and full of moments you could never make up. She just shook her head and laughed.
