My life got completely changed by one phone call. My healthy husband 39 years old, Gary, called me from work while I was about to have Root canal, not well and fearing he was under a condition of a heart attack. He wanted to take him to the hospital. I immediately woke my baby up from his nap and, with my toddler, tried to get help of my neighbor but no one helped. So I came along with kids to the hospital. Gary was under the ER while I had to maintain the kids to overcome the chaos.
Some time passed and doctor from the emergency room, met me with tears in her eyes. I demanded to know what was wrong. She conveyed me he had a catastrophic tear in his aorta which was very shocking for me. Gary was conscious at that time, so I had to deliver the news to him. He had to stay calm because any increase in heart rate could worsen his condition and cause more bleeding which could worsen up the situation. I fell crying on the floor, surrounded by hospital staff.
Gary was a survivor in a hospital in Portland better equipped for the surgery. The nurse, Sam, rechecked he would keep Gary alive during the flight and made a word that she would save him. We tried to approach for a video message from Gary for the kids, but he couldn’t finish because saying goodbye upset him. That was the last time I saw him conscious was not easy and disturbing.
The time I drove back it completely seemed blur. Sam popped up with updates and once they arrived, Gary called me. I told him he was my favorite person and that I loved him the time he stood with me. The time was short and last when I heard from him. When I got to the hospital waiting room, two nurses came out crying. I screamed, “Is he dead?” They assured me he was alive, on bypass and in surgery. They drew a diagram showing where the dissection was but could not figure out if they are going to make it for Gary. My mother and brother could not appear on time to see Gary as it was not a short hour drive.
Gary was moved to ICU after the Eight hour surgery which was not a short life span. I cried tears of joy at least he made through it but after some time the surgeon appeared and brooked that hope. He said Gary was conscious entering the OR but once under anesthesia, his aorta tore completely and he coded. They performed CPR while opening him, but he was without oxygen for five minutes. The surgeon called it Gary woke up as it was a miracle or else he would have been into severe disabilities that stood quiet shocking for the doctors as well.
Nurses did the possible arrangements everything was happening in front of my eyes to the most favorite human I love. They said hearing is the last sense to go, so I talked to him, urging him to keep fighting because I had no ability to live without him. More surgeries were needed to relieve swelling and pressure. I was taken to a private waiting room, which was waiting room of hell for me.” My mom came, but before I could lean on her for support, she told me my sister had died the previous nigh the reason she could not make it to last night also I screamed in grief and threw a cup of water across the room I was all blank not knowing was happening. The shock of losing my sister made me feel that God wouldn’t take my husband too.
Hours later, the doctor came in with a phrase I had only heard on TV: “If anyone wants to say goodbye, now is the time.” I faced the horrifying reality that I had to tell my children that their father would never be able to come home again to play with them. The neurologist performed brain activity tests with tears in his eyes. When I asked if Gary was gone, he confirmed it. I had to sign papers anyhow to remove life support.
When the children came, I told them about harsh words no mother should say. We entered the hospital room crying as the image of their final moments with their dad haunts me. After they left, I held Gary as nurses turned off the machines. Minutes later he was gone. I apologized to the staff for what we were all enduring. When the morgue attendant came, I told him, “To me and my children, this body means everything. Please take good care of him.” He hugged me and reassured me he would take good care of him.
Losing both my husband and sister a day apart felt impossible to survive. I spent my son’s first birthday at a funeral home planning Gary’s service. I wanted to move away and start “option B.” I learned the truth that God carries you when you cannot walk and that others become His hands. I survived because of the kindness of friends, family, church members, and strangers who brought meals, watched my kids, cleaned my house, and simply stayed with me as I sobbed.
My husband and sister’s deaths remain tragic. But I trust God and his plans that is molding me into a stronger woman. My sister’s family opened their home to me and have helped raise my children. We’ve become now even stronger to fight the obstacles. My brother-in-law doesn’t replace their dad but loves my children and takes them out individually to bond. I could not have asked God for better option B.
When things seemed impossible I promised Gary I would keep doing it for him for our children. I promised him to be a good mother and raise our children well after him, crying terribly. I am healing now slowly through prayer, therapy, scripture, exercise, medication, music, and simply understanding the purpose of life. I’ve became more realistic now understanding what reality checks hits like
All I ask myself would I ever be able to see Gary again or God give it all back to have Gary here? Without question. But he’s gone I have to accept it so I choose to make option B a beautiful life for my children and myself. I will stay composed and determined for my kids because in the end it’s not about whose gone it’s about you stayed and fought circumstances.
