I always dreamed of having a large family. Growing up as an only child sibling, the big sister who often didn’t want me around, I felt this quiet loneliness. I envied big families at church where there was always one to laugh and play with. I longed for that kind of love. I left growing up where I wished to have a big family loving family.
When I met my husband, I came to know that he belonged to a big family, and the idea of making a big family excited us. We began to envision our future together: Our kids would have cousins to play with, siblings to grow up with.
We married in 2007, finishing school while keeping our hearts open to starting a family. But pregnancies never happened naturally. In 2009, a phone call from my husband’s brother changed everything he had been diagnosed with male factor infertility, which could be hereditary. My husband was tested and received the same diagnosis: an epididymal obstruction, meaning very few sperm could leave his body, and those that did weren’t viable for natural conception. We want a family but I learnt my husband had a fertility problem.
We were devastated but hopeful; we tried surgery right away. It didn’t work, and we were left with the reality that I would carry the medical burden in having our children. Being a healthy, fertile person, this was terrifying. I’d always taken care of my body-vegan diet, no caffeine, exercise-and now had to go through injections and procedures just to have a baby. My dream of a large family felt compromised. I was scared to face medical challenges to having a baby even though I always been a heathy person.
In 2010, after researching fertility specialists, I started in vitro fertilization with ICSI. Miraculously, it worked on the first try-we were expecting our first set of twins. Joy and relief washed over us.
The following years were a real struggle. The attempts at natural conception did not work, and pregnancies ended in early pregnancy losses. In 2015, we turned back to IVF, and I allowed myself to feel cautious excitement. But then tragedy struck when our baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and passed away during the ultrasound. The grief was unimaginable, and unsupportive friends and even family told me to give up. I faced heartbreaking and cursed even people told me to give up .
Yet we did. Second-round IVF, in 2016 this time, worked, and in 2017, our second set of twins arrived. We held them and knew it wasn’t over. Later, years later, we went for more transfers, experienced heartbreak, and the failures came again. Defeated, from frozen embryos, I knew one final retrieval with the transfer of two embryos needed to be done. We face struggles but kept trying until our second IVF worked.
In 2020, during the pandemic, our third set of twins arrived. Suddenly, I was a stay-at-home and homeschool mom of six. The house was chaotic, filled with toys, blanket forts, and laughter. It was exhausting but joyful-our children bonding, caring for each other, living the big family dream my husband and I had always envisioned.
It was the mess and noise that became proof of our journey needles, surgeries, losses, and heartbreaks were worth it. Our home was full of love, resilience, and siblings who never felt lonely like I had. To someone who is struggling with infertility: Your dream is not over. Find yourself a caring doctor, surround yourself with supportive people, and hold onto hope. Persevere, because that family you dream of can still be yours. All struggles we worth our happy loving family. We build a loving family and hope can make dream come true.
