Life without the partner you have loved for so many years is nothing less than a nightmare. November 9, 2020, was the day her husband lost his battle with cancer. Her husband fought like a warrior for ten whole months, but metastatic melanoma took him away. Although people are there for her, telling her how they will be there for her, who could replace a good partner? The title of a widow was now hers.
She doesn’t know how to feel while the pain and suffering of her husband has ended; she knows people get scared looking at her, imagining the pain of losing the one you love forever. It’s a journey you can not understand until you are on it.
Although there were many other losses, including losing her parents, which she went through in these 51 years of her life, this one gave her a deep wound. This couldn’t be healed by anyone or anything. Everything changed when her husband passed away. The feeling of waking up next to him, her daily routine, her plans… after all, her best friend was no longer there to keep her always happy. But, at some point, you must understand that time and life stop for no one. Life was quieter and dull now.
The woman herself battled cancer twice, and she coped and defeated it like it was a pebble, but this time, the storm of grief took over, and she was on her knees, failing to get up and rise again the same way.
With each passing day, people stopped checking up on her, and the number of phone calls she got every day decreased. Of course, people also have to look after their lives. But what about her life that stopped the day her husband left? She knew she was stuck, and no one could be blamed for the pain she was in. The loneliness had taken over as she no longer had someone to kiss her goodnight before she slept, and no one to tell her they would be together till the end.
It is the realization that hits how little moments you cherish the most when people leave; they remain. Whenever someone asked her how she was doing, she had no answer. What could she possibly say when the pain she was going through was indescribable to her?
Everyone knew she was not doing okay, but every time she somehow managed to pass a warm smile and say, ‘I am okay,’ no one could do anything to make her feel better, although it is a fact that when you talk about grief, you feel better. It’s like a burden taken off your chest, but talking about it, too, needed strength, which she did not have then.
Her favorite thing in this world, after her husband, was food, but it started haunting her after his death. Her love for cooking and baking had faded as every ingredient she put in her favorite dish and every recipe reminded her of him, too. She remembered everything from the last time they had their favorite food together to having their favorite ice cream! Now, she sees the ice cream in the freezer, and it feels like getting stabbed right in your heart.
Everyone around her tells her to eat and take care, as she has lost a lot of weight, but no one tells her how to stop food from feeling like grief.
To protect her emotions, no one talks about her husband in front of her anymore, but it is still her favorite topic, and silence hurts her. She wants his legacy to stay the same; the person he was is worth discussing in a room full of people. Even if talking about him makes her tear up, their memories together, he will always be her favorite topic to discuss.
She penned down all that she has felt since November 9 to let people know how grief and loss feel and how much showing up for someone going through a tough phase matters. So, while you read this, do not forget to check up on the people you love, as they need you now and will always need you to feel better.
